30 Day Challenge- Day 2 My First Love

Ok wow,

This is kind of a heavy topic for Day 2. LOL.

I could spin this two ways--the first time I thought I was in love or the first time I KNEW I was in love. I'll go with the latter.

I'm not emotionless, but I can't just fall in love. For me it never worked like that, because when I love, I love hard or not at all. My first (real) love made me crazy. It was spontaneous, spur of the moment adrenaline rush all the time, like that split second before the roller coaster comes over the top of the first hill type *ish.

Honestly I fought it for a long time because somehow secretly I just knew (and perhaps this was self fulfilling prophesy) that no matter how much or how hard I loved it just wasn't going to be the forever thing.

but I wanted to just be in that split second before the hill.

I know I'm kind of sounding poetic--and maybe later I'll turn this into a poem, but anywho...

So going back to this whole roller coaster metaphor, at some point it had to go down...actually the whole relationship was like that. When it was good it was AWESOME and when it was bad, it was the 3rd circle of hell. There was never any balance in it, but I wanted to stay in it waiting for that next twist or flip.



And just like that it was done. I can't say just like that because we were together for a few years. It wasn't the fact that I was cheated on--I was one foot out the door when that happened. It wasn't the families, stress or the fights. I guess it just wasn't fun anymore. Ironically, the last thing I did before I left was say "I love you."

I meant it.

I'm over it. Looking back now, I see it as an experience, a chapter in my life that one day I'll write down. It'll make more sense then.