30 Day Challenge- Day 2 My First Love

Ok wow,

This is kind of a heavy topic for Day 2. LOL.

I could spin this two ways--the first time I thought I was in love or the first time I KNEW I was in love. I'll go with the latter.

I'm not emotionless, but I can't just fall in love. For me it never worked like that, because when I love, I love hard or not at all. My first (real) love made me crazy. It was spontaneous, spur of the moment adrenaline rush all the time, like that split second before the roller coaster comes over the top of the first hill type *ish.

Honestly I fought it for a long time because somehow secretly I just knew (and perhaps this was self fulfilling prophesy) that no matter how much or how hard I loved it just wasn't going to be the forever thing.

but I wanted to just be in that split second before the hill.

I know I'm kind of sounding poetic--and maybe later I'll turn this into a poem, but anywho...

So going back to this whole roller coaster metaphor, at some point it had to go down...actually the whole relationship was like that. When it was good it was AWESOME and when it was bad, it was the 3rd circle of hell. There was never any balance in it, but I wanted to stay in it waiting for that next twist or flip.



And just like that it was done. I can't say just like that because we were together for a few years. It wasn't the fact that I was cheated on--I was one foot out the door when that happened. It wasn't the families, stress or the fights. I guess it just wasn't fun anymore. Ironically, the last thing I did before I left was say "I love you."

I meant it.

I'm over it. Looking back now, I see it as an experience, a chapter in my life that one day I'll write down. It'll make more sense then.

Episode 61- I'm Convinced It's Made Out of Platinum and Crack...

I haven't laughed this hard in quite awhile...

So my brother calls me, I think I've posted about him before--he was the one that the GF who hid out in his closet until she fell asleep and got busted (still one of the funniest stories EVER!!). He has a crazy, insane history with some crazy, insane women--including a deranged baby mama and a more deranged ex-wife.

Ok...so the story goes my brother decided to move to Florida a few months back to be closer to his kids (because the ex wife moved there). He and the ex have a very up and down relationship, mostly because she's a nutjob! I know she's a nutjob--I've known this chick for years because they actually started dating back when we were all still in high school.

So the other day my brother tells me that this chick got mad over some lame bs. He sat on the sofa and laughed at her (I know him well enough to believe him when he says this, because he's just as laid back and as big of a smart ass as I am), this crazy bitch called one of her friends and just randomly started yelling "you better not hit me again" to make it seem like he'd put hands on her--he was smart enough to a) not touch her and b) roll out.

Tell me why?

Tell me why this looney tunes called him yesterday asking if she could come by and get some
d!ck.

Errr [insert Shaggy and Scooby noise]

Um yeah...

and then to top it all off...cause it can get no funnier... BMD (that's what we call his baby mama--BMD= Baby Mama Drama) called and said that (even though she has a new boyfriend and like 6-7 kids) she wants to move down to Florida to be with my brother.

WTF? Where they do that at? and who does that? LMAO.

Just wow!

Ladies I'm not knockin the man, cause he's my homie, my brother from another mother--but seriously did I miss the memo about a shortage of good d!ck (yes I realize the irony of that question coming from me)?

It cannot possibly be that crucial. smdh. rotfl. woo lawd these dumb ass chicks kill me.

Episode 52- Karaoke, Boobs, Beer and a Stripper Pole

And this is starting off as an interesting year already...

It started off like this...on Thursday I met up with my friend C. It started out normal enough he and I and my other friend Mia hung out for a little while--which was cool because we hadn't hung out since last month. On Friday C calls me at work because he'd left a book in my car so I told him I'd meet up with him after work, after which since it was Friday we decided to hang out...long story short we met up with C's ex neighbor Darryl and headed over to a local spot for some food and a few drinks.

All of a sudden I see this little man walk out of the back...and I swear if he didn't look like an oompa loompa.

By now the alcohol is kicking in so the jokes are coming. The whole bar is cracking up. We finish eating and decide to head to a karaoke spot. A few more beers later and I'm singing old New Edition songs. LOL.

This must have been short people night, cause now I'm sitting with Darryl and there's this one girl at the end of the bar...all of sudden she stands up and I realize her head barely comes about the top of the bar...now she wasn't a midget...she was just really short and it kinda threw me off, but the funniest part was when I came around by where she was sitting only to realize...she had on 2 or 3 inch heels. Smh.

Now this is the night I wish I'd grabbed my camera...

I preface this next part by saying...the irony of this moment was that C, Darryl and I had JUST had a conversation not an hour before hand about putting our stories together and how we always seem to find ourselves in the funniest situations.

So now it's the end of the night and there are about 8 of us left in the place kinda laughing and talking and this girl (she was about 30) was there with her mother. Well being kinda tipsy themselves they start screaming for the bartender to play some go-go. So he played this...

I don't know what it is about go-go that makes girls act a fool..lol

Next thing you know the girl starts ass shaking...I'm at the end of the bar kind of laughing. Darryl and C are talking and the conversation went something like this.

Darryl: Hey man I'm ready to go cause I gotta go see my girl
C: Cool. I'm kinda watching ass and titties right now so give me 3 mins
Darryl: I'm about to go see naked ass and titties

Not a second later...the girl proceeds to jack her shirt up and all you saw were her boobs...one going one way one going the other...all she needed was some tassles and it'd have been a wrap!! And it wasn't like she did it just for a second...she was full frontal for a good 5 mins.

By now jaws are dropping and I am somewhere in between the jaw drop and laughing.

The rest of the night was another karaoke spot and a few more laughs but maaaaaaan that was hilarious...I even saw a girl with what I swear was a disappearing/reappearing hairline. You had to be there for that one (I will forever be mad at myself for leaving the camera that night)

So to follow that up...after nursing a little beer hangover yesterday, I went to my friend Vette's birthday party last night...

it was a stripper pole party.

It was actually a LOT of fun. We ate, we laughed we took a ton of pictures (note to self that these may in fact be considered "blackmail" pics lol). I may have learned a new pole trick (it's an inverted something or other...lol). I have to say the instructor was really good. I woke up this morning with a mild tequila shot hangover, a bruise, 2 broken nails, but it was all worth it.

Ah how I love a good story weekend.

Episode 51- A Christams Story...Because I PROMISE You I Could Not Make this UP

I posted this story on Facebook, (this version includes the videos I didn't upload) but...this is what happened to me over Christmas.

It all started about a week ago...As many of my fellow DC people know we got hit by 2 feet of snow the weekend before Christmas. Now in theory my plans for Christmas involved trying to get to Vegas to be with my family and most importantly my 5 year daughter...the original plan called for me to leave on Sunday...

Long story short due to mother nature, some miscommunications, my nutty family and finances I ended up at a point where it was looking like I wouldn't be able to go. Then my daughter said something very profound to me on Monday and basically it was at that point I decided I would do whatever it took to get to Vegas...those words "whatever it takes" came back to kick me straight in the ass...

Because of the airline situation at first I actually contemplated driving to Vegas...I swear I wouldn't do this for anybody other than Drey, but finally on Tuesday I managed to snag a one way train ticket. I'm thinking 2 days...I'll suck it up be a little uncomfortable, but be there Christmas Eve and surprise her. I started this journey TUESDAY NIGHT (keep this in mind). Everything was ok until I hit St Louis...

By now it's Wednesday late afternoon. Mother nature heffer that she is decided to build her own personal skating rink...over Colorado, Utah and Kansas. So when I got to the Lou all I see is a handwritten sign saying all outbounds to KC, Denver, VEGAS, L.A. canceled due to a severe ice storm.

Hmm... ok. At this point I'm almost at the halfway point and I'm facing being stuck...I stand in this really long line and with a little "creative re-routing" I'm told I can still make it and only be off schedule by about 3 hours. Allow me to define "creative re-routing"...it means I would be detoured through the states of Missouri, Oklahoma, north Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. Le grand sigh...at this point I don't have much of a choice.

So we get back on track so to speak (no pun intended)...the whole time I am reminding myself that this is for Drey and I can take a minor setback. It's pretty darn cold but the weather was holding out for a little while. Then I woke up Thursday morning Christmas Eve in Oklahoma and saw nothing but a solid wall of white. I mean I've seen snow (I did go to Syracuse afterall), but this was crazy...it for REAL looked those Discovery Channel documentaries on the South Pole. When we got to points where we could see the highway I saw SEVERAL flipped over tractor trailers just laying across the road it was insane!!! when I said I wanted a white Christmas this was NOT what I had in mind.




We make it as far as Texas...we make it as far as Texas...sigh...we make it to TEXAS!!! (damn it almost there!!!) and the second we walk in they've shut the whole station down saying nothing goes in or out until 9 am...on FRIDAY.

They had gone as far as to call shuttles in to take people to hotels and the Salvation Army shelters..the funny part is it was cold as hell...like arctic tundra cold but the roads were perfectly clear by this point.

Something told me not to leave.

In the ensuing 4 hours you pretty much saw the same repeating look of desperation and dread with everyone thinking they would have to spend the night in Texas ( and not even like huge city, but small town Texas) on Christmas...eating whatever was on the diner menu for Christmas dinner. I start working on plans D, E, F, G, H and I trying to figure a way out...local airport shut down. Can't get a rental car one way...too much money....hmmm... (I was so desperate to escape I contemplated renting a U-Haul 1 way and carting people like they do over the border). I get narrowed down to a) resigning and waiting it out b) catching a ride with 3 guys (random strangers) who were headed to Phoenix and managed to get a car or c) catching a ride to Albuquerque with a mother and her teenage son who had family coming to get them, but this would require waiting several hours for them to get there.

Then the reprieve...

They decided to let all westbound travelers go. God is GREAT!!!!!

I'm outta that building faster than Speedy Gonzales... on speed...lol You're thinking by now, this trip can not have had anything ELSE go wrong... that's enough of a mess...

Le GRANDE GRANDE DELUXE SIIIIIIIIGH.

So how bout it's now late Christmas eve...I've now made it as far as Albuquerque.



According to what I'm thinking IN THEORY I should hit Vegas by early morning maybe 9-ish local time...

HA!!!!!

Come to find out the place where we are supposed to make the last connect in BF nowhere Arizona...is shut down Christmas day so they have to divert us...to Phoenix (um...for the geographically challenged they basically took us almost 3 hours in the opposite direction of Vegas).

At this point I'm exhausted, sleep deprived, disgusted and my ankles look like two cans of popped biscuits cause they swole from the days of sitting...at 7 am on Christmas I watched an Arizona sunrise thinking to myself there is still only ONE person that I would go through this for and it still looks like I wont get there in time...




So finally at 8:30 (AZ time) we get to Phoenix.

And just when I thought it couldn't be worse...

option a) wait until 12:40p to catch a connection to Vegas (and not get there until after 8:00 PM!!!) or b) leave in 15 mins and be diverted...through San Bernadino...CALIFORNIA...

lemme get this straight...you took me 3 hours in the opposite direction only to take me 3 hours in the opposite opposite direction...SERIOUSLY?

I lost it.

I go on the phone and guess what...that same ice storm that snafu'd me in the beginning opened up a one way ticket on Southwest Airlines from Phoenix to Vegas for cheap. I hailed a cab and had this great cabbie hightail my ass to Skyharbor. My pilot this really cool Hawaiian dude dressed like Santa.



The flight took all of 45 mins and they got us in 20 mins EARLY (you better believe I am writing a fantastic letter to Southwest!!)

Grand total... 2500 miles, 13 states, @65 total hours of travel, a snowstorm an ice storm...and totally worth it...because one of the first things out of Drey's mouth---after she ran up and down announcing (read: screaming lol) that I was there and we had the ubiquitous Hallmark Christmas moment -- she leaned over to me and said "Mommy this is the BEST Christmas EVER!!!!"

I totally agree.

Merry Christmas

Episode 45- SMH. The 'L' Word Part 2

So I'm back from vacation and some interesting developments have occurred since our last installment.

I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.

DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."

SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...

Nic and Claudia.

Le grande SIGH!

These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.

So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...

Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.

As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.

I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?

Episode 40- Angels With Broken Halos

I've been called a lot of things... some good, some bad.

Most recently, I've been referred to (more than once) as an angel with a broken halo.

I try to be good. I really try. I say what I mean for the most part even if sometimes--it hurts. I try to be honest about my feelings even if it's hard for me---I'm getting better at that. I don't intend to mislead people, I'm approachable, I'm nice--most of the time. I like to think I'm funny. I say all that to ask the question...

Is there a reason why I always seem to find myself in some sort of crazy romantic entanglement?

I'm over here minding my own business. LMAO. Matter of fact I have a new Muse. I'll admit I've been... inspired, but... there are others waiting in the wings so to speak. Waiting for the Muse to leave. Waiting to be that thing that brings out my creativity. But I don't want to scatter my energies all willy nilly to the wind. I would rather stay focused. It all sounds rather poetic doesn't it? LOL

But in the simplest explanation, have you ever notice that the second you focus your feelings on someone, all of a sudden someone else will try to spike the kool-aid? Either an ex will show up or someone you didn't know had feelings for you will decided that NOW is the perfect time to throw it out there.

Hmm... a conundrum of life I suppose.

And how do I respond to these advances when a) I'm trying to listen to one voice among several looking to get my attention b) when the voices know they are talking over each other. In other words, what's the nicest way possible to reinterate to a few people that you know I am trying to work with only ONE Muse and right now that is where my attention is focused and while I appreciate your feelings I can't with you at the moment.

My relationship with my Muse at this point is only in its beginning stages and I would like to see what comes of it. So, to the others...allow me to listen please.

Readjusting my broken halo.

Episode 39- I've Always Got A Story to Tell

So I've been told I've always got a story to tell...

Well d'uh, I'm a writer. Can I help if my life is um...at least partially interesting...sometimes... lmao.

I went to Vegas last week...just got back yesterday. Won't tell the entire story, but the highlights include...

• I missed my connection from Atlanta to Vegas because I got um...sidetracked...yeah that's a good word for it--by "the devil's advocate." *secret nod*
• I sat next to a crazy old guy on the plane who kept flirting with me and giving me Jack Daniel's shots
• I had a pretty good visit with my family with only minor drama
• My baby and I had a great day at the lake and she did absolutely fabulous at graduation
• I came home broke but breathing and otherwise happy
• I had a nice talk with the "Muse" (that's how I will refer to her from here on out) yesterday. Hmmmm... will have to see how that plays itself out...I'll explain that whole thing in another episode when I actually have more to tell.

As you can see my vacation was not without some adventure and story potential. I'm still jet lagged, but again...breathing... and if I had to take something away from this...I just want to be able to meditate on the following scene...because THIS speaks for itself

:)