Episode 51- A Christams Story...Because I PROMISE You I Could Not Make this UP

I posted this story on Facebook, (this version includes the videos I didn't upload) but...this is what happened to me over Christmas.

It all started about a week ago...As many of my fellow DC people know we got hit by 2 feet of snow the weekend before Christmas. Now in theory my plans for Christmas involved trying to get to Vegas to be with my family and most importantly my 5 year daughter...the original plan called for me to leave on Sunday...

Long story short due to mother nature, some miscommunications, my nutty family and finances I ended up at a point where it was looking like I wouldn't be able to go. Then my daughter said something very profound to me on Monday and basically it was at that point I decided I would do whatever it took to get to Vegas...those words "whatever it takes" came back to kick me straight in the ass...

Because of the airline situation at first I actually contemplated driving to Vegas...I swear I wouldn't do this for anybody other than Drey, but finally on Tuesday I managed to snag a one way train ticket. I'm thinking 2 days...I'll suck it up be a little uncomfortable, but be there Christmas Eve and surprise her. I started this journey TUESDAY NIGHT (keep this in mind). Everything was ok until I hit St Louis...

By now it's Wednesday late afternoon. Mother nature heffer that she is decided to build her own personal skating rink...over Colorado, Utah and Kansas. So when I got to the Lou all I see is a handwritten sign saying all outbounds to KC, Denver, VEGAS, L.A. canceled due to a severe ice storm.

Hmm... ok. At this point I'm almost at the halfway point and I'm facing being stuck...I stand in this really long line and with a little "creative re-routing" I'm told I can still make it and only be off schedule by about 3 hours. Allow me to define "creative re-routing"...it means I would be detoured through the states of Missouri, Oklahoma, north Texas, New Mexico and Arizona. Le grand sigh...at this point I don't have much of a choice.

So we get back on track so to speak (no pun intended)...the whole time I am reminding myself that this is for Drey and I can take a minor setback. It's pretty darn cold but the weather was holding out for a little while. Then I woke up Thursday morning Christmas Eve in Oklahoma and saw nothing but a solid wall of white. I mean I've seen snow (I did go to Syracuse afterall), but this was crazy...it for REAL looked those Discovery Channel documentaries on the South Pole. When we got to points where we could see the highway I saw SEVERAL flipped over tractor trailers just laying across the road it was insane!!! when I said I wanted a white Christmas this was NOT what I had in mind.




We make it as far as Texas...we make it as far as Texas...sigh...we make it to TEXAS!!! (damn it almost there!!!) and the second we walk in they've shut the whole station down saying nothing goes in or out until 9 am...on FRIDAY.

They had gone as far as to call shuttles in to take people to hotels and the Salvation Army shelters..the funny part is it was cold as hell...like arctic tundra cold but the roads were perfectly clear by this point.

Something told me not to leave.

In the ensuing 4 hours you pretty much saw the same repeating look of desperation and dread with everyone thinking they would have to spend the night in Texas ( and not even like huge city, but small town Texas) on Christmas...eating whatever was on the diner menu for Christmas dinner. I start working on plans D, E, F, G, H and I trying to figure a way out...local airport shut down. Can't get a rental car one way...too much money....hmmm... (I was so desperate to escape I contemplated renting a U-Haul 1 way and carting people like they do over the border). I get narrowed down to a) resigning and waiting it out b) catching a ride with 3 guys (random strangers) who were headed to Phoenix and managed to get a car or c) catching a ride to Albuquerque with a mother and her teenage son who had family coming to get them, but this would require waiting several hours for them to get there.

Then the reprieve...

They decided to let all westbound travelers go. God is GREAT!!!!!

I'm outta that building faster than Speedy Gonzales... on speed...lol You're thinking by now, this trip can not have had anything ELSE go wrong... that's enough of a mess...

Le GRANDE GRANDE DELUXE SIIIIIIIIGH.

So how bout it's now late Christmas eve...I've now made it as far as Albuquerque.



According to what I'm thinking IN THEORY I should hit Vegas by early morning maybe 9-ish local time...

HA!!!!!

Come to find out the place where we are supposed to make the last connect in BF nowhere Arizona...is shut down Christmas day so they have to divert us...to Phoenix (um...for the geographically challenged they basically took us almost 3 hours in the opposite direction of Vegas).

At this point I'm exhausted, sleep deprived, disgusted and my ankles look like two cans of popped biscuits cause they swole from the days of sitting...at 7 am on Christmas I watched an Arizona sunrise thinking to myself there is still only ONE person that I would go through this for and it still looks like I wont get there in time...




So finally at 8:30 (AZ time) we get to Phoenix.

And just when I thought it couldn't be worse...

option a) wait until 12:40p to catch a connection to Vegas (and not get there until after 8:00 PM!!!) or b) leave in 15 mins and be diverted...through San Bernadino...CALIFORNIA...

lemme get this straight...you took me 3 hours in the opposite direction only to take me 3 hours in the opposite opposite direction...SERIOUSLY?

I lost it.

I go on the phone and guess what...that same ice storm that snafu'd me in the beginning opened up a one way ticket on Southwest Airlines from Phoenix to Vegas for cheap. I hailed a cab and had this great cabbie hightail my ass to Skyharbor. My pilot this really cool Hawaiian dude dressed like Santa.



The flight took all of 45 mins and they got us in 20 mins EARLY (you better believe I am writing a fantastic letter to Southwest!!)

Grand total... 2500 miles, 13 states, @65 total hours of travel, a snowstorm an ice storm...and totally worth it...because one of the first things out of Drey's mouth---after she ran up and down announcing (read: screaming lol) that I was there and we had the ubiquitous Hallmark Christmas moment -- she leaned over to me and said "Mommy this is the BEST Christmas EVER!!!!"

I totally agree.

Merry Christmas

Episode 49- Signs It Might Be Time to Get a Restraining ORDER!

I am going to vent for a sec...because maaaaan this right 'chere is some BULLSHIT.

I have tried everything and I do mean EVERYTHING in my power to be nice to my ex, but at the same time get the point across that you need to leave me the hell alone. When nice didn't work I was mean...and I mean MEAN as hell...didn't work. I finally got my point across (so I thought)...a couple of weeks ago, when I said for the 796th time (no bullshit) and I quote "I don't want to TALK to you anymore. EVER! in LIFE!!"

I'm not sure what part of that was unclear...

So a 2 weeks ago I get an email requesting some pictures that were sent to me be returned to sender...I say ok. I sent them, but they're going overseas so they take a minute. Today I get another email asking about the pics...I say they were sent, past that there's nothing else I can do...

This turns into a damn argument...first my ex proceeds to say I have an attitude (well yeah I do because I could've swore I said "didn't speak to me EVER!!" and yet HERE YOU ARE contacting me) and tells me that's why I'm single (actually bitch I'm single because unlike you I choose not to SETTLE for the first person who comes along)...I wasn't even going to grace her with a response until the TABOO subject came up and I couldn't help it...I lit that ass up!

If this was God testing me to see if I've changed...then God help me I failed miserably, but you don't say what was said to me and expect not to get the full wrath...if I was within arms reach this would have been the moment for me to reach out and touch this bitch!

So... I was as nice as I could muster while still reiterating my viewpoint that my ex is an emotionally manipulative, emotionally unstable, psychopathic, asshole. I stand by this opinion. But I had to laugh and feel simultaneously sad because a) you don't seem to see thr irony in YOU contacting ME and ultimately saying "don't call me or contact me anymore"...um I haven't called you in several months...every bit of contact in the last 9 months has been initiated by YOU!!! I purposely lost your number and until today had blocked you from everything EXCEPT MY EMAIL. You were a distant memory sweetheart!! and b) for somebody who doesn't want to talk to me...and claims they regret dating me WHY THE FUCK...would you send me a grand total of (hold on lemme count to make sure I get this right...) SEVEN emails telling me how happy you are in your new relationship and how she's so much better than me and treats you good...like my opinion could or should matter to YOU. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!! << said in my best Chris Tucker voice.

Do you! I'm genuinly happy for you, I'd be more happy if you'd leave me the HELL ALONE. GET THE HELL ON with your "new" relationship. Anyone that "secure" in what they have doesn't need to write 7 emails to their EX trying to convince them that they're "happy" SMH.

I promise you this is the last time I let this bs with S take me out of my zone.

DONE.

Episode 48- I Could But I Won't...

This conversation I'm about to have with you has come up repeatedly in recent weeks...

Here the scenario... you meet someone, you really click with them. Things are going well, you're really getting along. This person tells you up front that they're into you, but they're kind of in a weird place when it comes to relationships and as such, the two of you decide to keep it platonic for the time being.

So although your feelings are with this person, technically you're still single. If you found yourself in a position to potentially have sex with someone else--an ex lover... would you? and if you did, would you feel the need to disclose this information even if you KNEW there was no other way for the other person to find out?

Episode 47- 33 like the record

That's how old I am today...for the record. Nothing profound today. Just wanna celebrate! :)

Episode 46- Life, Love and the Pursuit of...something that resembles happiness

It's not just me. It's everyone I know...going through things.

It's in the atmosphere. It's background to everything-- even when I have a smile on my face. I'm plotting, I'm planning, I'm forcefully trying to pull my life in another, more positive direction. Life fights me. I fight back. It is what it is. I live, I breathe in and I write. I share bits and pieces of myself so I can remember what got me here in the first place.

The point is... I am here...wherever "here" is at this stage in my life. I'm approaching another birthday in a few weeks. And the only thing I want...

Happiness.

Wrap it up in a box. I get it in fleeting moments, but I want it at least with some degree of consistency. I'm not asking for world peace, just steady peace of mind. I realize that life is not going to go easy on me just because I want it to, but something has got to give...or at least make it a fair fight. I feel like David with a slingshot and a handful of rocks, but my aim is off (I am so using that in a poem...lol).

My point being if I could just get that one thing...everything else would fall into place

...if only. Le grand sigh!

I Got My Ass Kicked By Life and That B!+@h is Wearing Steel Toe Boots

...I think that would be a great book title. Sigh!

Episode 45- SMH. The 'L' Word Part 2

So I'm back from vacation and some interesting developments have occurred since our last installment.

I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.

DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."

SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...

Nic and Claudia.

Le grande SIGH!

These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.

So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...

Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.

As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.

I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?

Episode 44- the 'L' word

I have inexplicably and inadventantly become a matchmaker of sorts within the last couple of weeks...

A few episodes back I wrote about the online group that I now moderate. Well as it turns out, in the last few weeks two different sets of people have managed to find a love connection. Go figure!

That in and of itself was not completely unexpected, the matched couples however were... lol.

Couple #1 I'll call "Angie" and "DJ" came together after a tug of war between DJ and a third party.

Couple #2 I'll call "Claudia" and "Nic"... well basically Nic outright stole Claudia from underneath someone else...lol.

By default I've become the person that all of them come to for advice, although I try to reserve my commentary for any number of reasons, not the least of which is I have a vested interest and a natural conflict of interest in all parties involved, ya dig?

So this morning, I managed to get them all together in a conference call session...which was hilarity in and of itself, but somewhere in the middle of sideline commentary...

the L word got dropped.

It was dropped between Nic and Claudia mutually. This I knew, but to have it confirmed...

When I left the conversation to go to a meeting, Nic had confirmed to Angie (sideline of course) that indeed the L word had been used. Funny thing was, as Angie was telling me the story, she proceeded to tell me that she was/is prepared to drop. the. L. word as well. (and since I started writing this-- DJ has said the L word is in play with Angie)

Blink. Blink.

Needless to say I was (still am) stunned. Speechless in fact.

See, me, (not that I believe any of them are guilty of this) I can't see throwing "Love" out there lightly. Yes I actually said it... L.O.V.E. the dreaded LOVE.

I'm the type of person who will only say it if I mean it. I don't want to drag anyone's emotions through the dirt and I damn sure don't want to say it and get...


*crickets*


On top of that, I've never been a forwardly emotional person. Besides that word is very, very powerful and once it is out there, you ever notice that you suddenly feel obligated to respond to it?

Hence my hesitancy to even use it in the first place. It tends to complicate things anyway.

However...

I will freely admit right here right now...

I am not "in love"

You thought I was going to say I was... LMAO... um...no.

Matter of fact, just had a whole long conversation about this. I'll say the door is slightly ajar at best, but if anyone thinks I'm opening it up anytime soon...they'll be sorely disappointed. Contrary to what you think, I'm gangsta leaning against it to keep it closed and I will duct tape it and nail it and super glue if I have to before I go dropping "love" all willy nilly...no matter how much I might like you...and I do like you, but um...it's NOT that serious, thank you! LMAO. At the same time though, I'm not one to tell someone else how they feel or how they're supposed to feel or even when they are supposed to feel it.

That being said... I am now watching two very happy couples in "love" and thinking to myself...

There but for a shut and locked door and a healthy dose of cynicism and skepticism goes I.

Episode-43 Ice Cubes in Hell

You know hell is well on it's way to freezing over when...

1. News of the U.S. pulling out of Iraq is completely overshadowed by Michael Jackson's funeral arrangements.

And...

2. My technologically challenged (as in I still have to explain to her how to add an attachment to an email!!!) mother just sent me a friend request on Facebook.


Sigh!

RIP Micheal Jackson

I had to say...
I had to say something...

I promised I wouldn't post the pic of my mom in her Thriller jacket. I could talk about the kid who moonwalked off stage at my high school graduation--I never could get the moonwalk right. Or maybe, about the time just last summer when I performed the entire Beat It video in the parking lot of Shopper's Food Warehouse to entertain my daughter and god daughter... and dancing with my roommate to that same song in our flat in London. We danced to Heartbreak Hotel at karaoke a few months ago and I remembered how much I loved that song. I remember where I was when the Thriller video came on tv...and when everyone was breathless watching the Black or White video.

So many good memories wrapped in the music. The world misses you already. Sigh!

Episode 39- I've Always Got A Story to Tell

So I've been told I've always got a story to tell...

Well d'uh, I'm a writer. Can I help if my life is um...at least partially interesting...sometimes... lmao.

I went to Vegas last week...just got back yesterday. Won't tell the entire story, but the highlights include...

• I missed my connection from Atlanta to Vegas because I got um...sidetracked...yeah that's a good word for it--by "the devil's advocate." *secret nod*
• I sat next to a crazy old guy on the plane who kept flirting with me and giving me Jack Daniel's shots
• I had a pretty good visit with my family with only minor drama
• My baby and I had a great day at the lake and she did absolutely fabulous at graduation
• I came home broke but breathing and otherwise happy
• I had a nice talk with the "Muse" (that's how I will refer to her from here on out) yesterday. Hmmmm... will have to see how that plays itself out...I'll explain that whole thing in another episode when I actually have more to tell.

As you can see my vacation was not without some adventure and story potential. I'm still jet lagged, but again...breathing... and if I had to take something away from this...I just want to be able to meditate on the following scene...because THIS speaks for itself

:)

Episode 38-When Waiting is Not Really an Option

Wow, so...

A few months back you may remember I wrote a blog post about my friend Mr. X --the one that had the extra crazy baby mama.

Now keep in mind this was just a few months ago...maybe 6 months at best

How about I just happened to catch a glance at Mr. X's facebook page and saw that he is engaged.

Paused. Let that sink in and then I let my fingers fly at 100 miles an hour to type out an email asking if perhaps I had just "missed something"...

Nope.

Turns out he just got engaged on Saturday to a girl he has been dating---not baby mama--a different girl.

Needless to say I am shocked. Pause. Let that sink in again. rattle of another email syaing that I suppose "congrats are in order" even though what I am thinking is... wow, seriously...given your track record with women this might not be your best idea...But then again who am I to call it. You are a grown man and I can't really find a reason to object if you're happy *side eye* And OMG when baby mama finds out it's a wrap!!!

Pause. Let THAT marinate. And...

I'm just gonna sit back over here in the corner with some popcorn and watch this made for tv movie. ROTFL.

Episode 37- What I've learned about women

I realize, I've been neglecting my blogs. yeah yeah I know I know...but work has been hectic plus I inadventantly became the adminstrator for an online women's group that has kept me busy, busy, busy, entertained and busy...whew...lol

And that's what is prompting this blog entry...the group. How to best put this...

They are the wildest, funniest group of people I've ever come across. Now I'm not usually big on joining online groups because you never quite know people's agendas and sometimes if they are not handled properly you get too much back fighting and negativity and then you feel like why the hell did I get myself into this...

But this...completely different. Completely. LOL. And in my capacity as admin I've learned a few things that I would like to share.

1. The people who are the wildest, loudest, most outrageous on the boards...are typically the exact opposite in real life

2. The people who are the most quiet, reserved and laid back... are typically the exact opposite in real life

3. Women are completely capable of holding conversations with, debating, encouraging and building with other women on an intellectual and friendship level without being catty or negative. Who knew? LOL

4. Women have a hard time expressing what it is they really want because a lot of us were taught to be sideline or to sacrifice for the sake of whatever...i.e. we don't take enough time for ourselves to really know what we want much less what we deserve

5. If you really want to understand women...shut up and listen... (I tell my male friends this all the time. LMAO)

Ok...I can't give away all the girl secrets. But what I will say is that this has been an interesting experience for me so far.

I wonder why it can't all be so simple in real life?

On my mind...

A not so subliminal message...

Episode 34- The Definition of Irony

Post of a conversation I had with an ex who cheated on me and then married the girl he cheated on me with, re: some mutual friends of ours...

Me: you still working at the same place?

LS: well i still work for the same company doing tthe same thing

Me: oh cool. btw I talked to D**** recently

LS: how is she doing

Me: fine. you know J got married and had a baby

LS: congrats

Me: um...he married the girl he cheatd on D**** with (thinking to myself does this sound vaguely familiar)

LS: u could have given us an invite

Me: I wasn't invited

Me: she told me about it after the fact.

Me: when J***** sent her a picture of the baby

LS: what u lost me who is j***

Me: lol...you were confuzzled there for a sec huh?

Me: J****

Me: you're getting old and senile. j**** as in d***** and j*****------j*****


Mind you, these were our closest friends when my ex and I lived together. Birds of a feather flock together I suppose. LMAO

Episode 34- Easter with my family

I'm going to take a momentary break from my usual semi-snarky, semi-witty, observational commentary...but just for a moment, to reveal the soft side that not too many people seem to think I have.

Today is Easter Sunday. Instead of being with my family, I'm home alone blogging. My parents and daughter are on the west coast, the rest of my family is in Ohio. I couldn't make either trip this time around. I miss them. Even if I don't tell them enough.

Easter is the one holiday in my family that usually gets us all together. In my youth, these family gatherings would be split between my grandmother's and her sister's--my great aunt's-- house. At my grandmother's we would do Easter breakfast. I would get to drink coffee--even at age 7. I would wake up early looking for my basket from "the Easter Bunny." I knew even then, that my basket came from the hands of my mom and grandmother. After breakfast I would don my Easter dress either for church or for the trip over to my great-aunt's. We would dye eggs, hunt for them in my grandmother's back yard. Eat cake that my mother and I or my aunt would bring. One year we made finger toffee. My older cousins/uncles who thought they knew everything, got their hands stuck together in molasses.

My grandmother died of cancer just after Easter 1984.

Every Easter after that one became significant. My family moved around some and eventually fractured over the next couple of years with the back to back deaths of my grandfather and step-grandfather. We spend most subsequent Easter Sundays at the home of my great aunt. It usually goes something like this...a crowd of family and friends in the neighborhood of 25-50 people, church, a huge dinner, an Easter egg hunt for the kids, a liquor bottle hunt for the adults (using miniature bottles) and hours spent jumping on the moon bounce (my family owns one) in the front yard or playing video games or bean bag toss in the garage.

My cousins and I got older and it became our kids on Easter Sunday hunting for eggs, jumping on the moon bounce. I bounce with them. I play Easter bunny, fixing baskets for the kids. I watch them play in their Easter Sunday clothes as we, now parents, urge them not to mess them up. My mom, now mamaw and my great aunt and the older adults talk in the living room or smoke in the second kitchen at the back of the house. My family, for better or worse, seems like a family.

Today is Easter Sunday. And instead of being with my family, I'm home alone blogging. And I miss them. Even if I don't tell them enough.

Episode 33- The Good, The Bad and Philly

I have a rather odd relationship with the city of Philadelphia.

Every time I've ever been, there's always something...drama, something...

This time...surprisingly enough aside from a parking ticket (ugh!) and a slight detour into New Jersey, I actually enjoyed myself.

If you know my history with Philly, you know why this shocks me. I'll have to cliff note those stories (plural) in another episode.

In any case, the show went ridiculously well. And that's despite starting on serious CPT
The crowd was great. The other artists were really really good. We acted like straight fools. I was head nodding with the DJ so hard my neck and shoulders actually hurt.

And I pulled off probably the greatest stunt in the history of poetry... I exaggerate but it was still pretty awesome. How 'bout we did a sound check right and everything was good. Later I get on stage and I'm starting my first (and hardest) piece with music no less, (so I'm trying to time it in my head) and the mic starts acting a mess, so mid poem, without stopping I pulled off a mic switch...not once, not twice, but 4 times!! not to mention during the hand offs the DJ was adjusting the sound and music so I'm keeping up during all of this and still killed it.

Then I messed around and did a hip hop song in front of a crowd of MCs from Philly/NJ and NY. Lemme find out I was really feeling myself huh? lol.

Again surprisingly enough it came of really well.

So after last night despite some minor stuff, I may have to rethink my relationship with Philly...maybe instead of hate, I'll amend it to love/hate, because right now I have nothing to hate about the city of brotherly love.

Episode 30- Swagger like Us. You're Not Famous...

...so why the hell do you need an entourage?

I'm just asking. But this is not why I wrote--although it plays a part in the story.

I hate this word, I do, but it recently came to my attention that I have no "swagger." I pretty much never gave a f!%#, but whatever... that's the consensus.

Why do I need 'swagger'...seems everyone these days has it and some are overdosing on it. I saw the swagger overdose first hand last night...

I decided to be bold and hit up this lounge I've been trying to go to for awhile. They do a mix and mingle event there once a month. I had invited a friend, but a last minute plan change had me going solo. Let me say upfront, I had a nice time. I chatted up a couple of people over drinks, watched bits and pieces of the NCAA tourney on the big screen, danced a little and then decided to hang back and do my usual m.o.--which is to watch and observe.

Here's where the plot thickens--turns out, the DJ at this place is someone I flirted with awhile back on an online dating site. The world is small and flat. Anyway, keep in mind I was Hans Solo last night so I couldn't do the casual "let me dance within your field of vision move" and hope for the recognition factor to kick in...and besides DJ xxx (as referenced from here on out) had a bunch of hard looking, mean muggin', "pretty boy" groupies/entourage members standing up against the DJ booth cock blocking as it were...or at least throwing a major kink in the game plan.

Meanwhile, as our heroine (that would be me) stands by the bar and contemplates this conundrum, I get the feeling that someone is watching me, casually getting closer and closer to my fortress of solitude. I wanted to say...if you want to talk to me I like to think I am approachable--but alas no. I casually sipped on my vodka cranberry while playing the cat, mouse, cat game all night. DJ xxx never came out of the damn booth. The "we love DJ xxx" fan club in their ever swaggerific gear never moved out of the way...and ol creepy starey, just kept well...staring, but never ended up talking to me.

Now, I relayed this story to a couple of friends this morning and I proceeded to say something that I find to be true...I do not believe that people see me as "approachable" and you know why???

Swagger. There's THAT word again.

No, but seriously...I have noticed that when I walk in a room just looking cute and really make an effort to look like someone who is nice and friendly and approachable (which is what i did last night)...nothing. But lemme walk in like f' you and everything you stand, kneel and lay down for, oh it's on and poppin. It's like I will reek of eau du "get the hell away from me" and it becomes an instant aphrodisiac. Go figure!

But see the thing with me is...I can't be like that all the time. It's just not me. And if you don't have it in you to come to me when you're interested then that's your loss. I'm all for meeting new people whether it turns into something or not. If I don't have enough 'swagger' I will still continue to do me.

No one on the corner has swagger like us, swagger like us, swagger swagger like us...

Episode 29- Read My Lip(s)

Open letter to the dumb girl who really wanted to get the lip tattoo.

Dear Becky,

I like to think I was saving you from making the biggest mistake of your life. Wasn't trying to call you out, but you seem to be of reasonable intelligence, what with your ambition to apply to Harvard and all.

However, getting the word "Jew" tattooed on the inside of your lip, when you are clearly not Jewish and have no logical explaination for your choice, seems a tad bit foolish and irrational...just a TAD. Many people have gotten tats which they've later come to regret. I would hate to see you added among that list. To offer sage advice--courtesy of my 4 year daughter--"some people just don't make good choices"

Although I applaude your courage (noted with an over abundance of sarcasm), I'm going to need you to get a grip and rethink your life choices.

Signed,
Common Sense

UPDATE:

So Becky changed her mind about the word, but um... well... see for yourself...



I weep on the inside.

What Don't You Fv%$@!G Understand?

This is officially my new theme song...



The Bale Out courtesy of The Run Down igottherundown.blogspot.com

Woooo lawd! LMBAO