Episode 55- Wrap Your Head Around This...

So....

Awhile back--last summer I believe. I wrote a couple of posts about my friends Nic and Claudia who were dating. Now, in one of the posts I talked about how Claudia had done some things that were kinda "suspicious" to me...but I promised myself I would stay out of it...which I did for the most part other than to let Nic vent.

Long story short, Nic cut back on Claudia some was kinda seeing someone else for a while since their relationship (N and C's I mean) was long distance. I hadn't really talked to Nic that much in the last few months because of a couple of illnesses that keep her in and out of the hospital. I had all but assumed they had stopped dealing with each other...that was last I heard.

Now fast forward to yesterday...

I'm talking to Nic catching up because we haven't really talked in about a month and a half. I'm told Claudia is back in the picture and they've worked everything out and things are stronger than before. I'm thinking ok...positive changes, great for y'all

Oh but WAIT...

Nic hits me with "um yeah Claudia is moving up here and I'm going to propose on Valentine's Day" (I can post this because neither reads this blog)

wait wait wait. pump your brakes and hold on...there are several things wrong with this picture. Let's start with the most obvious...

YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON

To my knowledge...Claudia has not made a trip up and because of health Nic has never made a trip down. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am and if they did meet it was no more than ONCE. WTF???????????

Ok...let's say we can overlook that part... ARE YOU NUTS?

Nevermind that they haven't been together for a solid year. Nevermind that there is an age difference. Nevermind that...

Now...let me say I know both of them... they actually met kinda sideways through me in an online group that I moderate. I don't believe either is mentally unstable...though after that piece of news...iooono ( pronounced just like I wrote it...lol)

SMH. I can't wrap my head around this.

Again I told myself I would stay out of it, but I've been fighting the urge since yesterday to kind of go off on them, but part of me is like you know what...I want to sit back and watch this train wreck, because I said my peace awhile back and then stepped away from it.

Wow.

I'm just going to leave it right there. Back away from the wreckage.

Episode 38-When Waiting is Not Really an Option

Wow, so...

A few months back you may remember I wrote a blog post about my friend Mr. X --the one that had the extra crazy baby mama.

Now keep in mind this was just a few months ago...maybe 6 months at best

How about I just happened to catch a glance at Mr. X's facebook page and saw that he is engaged.

Paused. Let that sink in and then I let my fingers fly at 100 miles an hour to type out an email asking if perhaps I had just "missed something"...

Nope.

Turns out he just got engaged on Saturday to a girl he has been dating---not baby mama--a different girl.

Needless to say I am shocked. Pause. Let that sink in again. rattle of another email syaing that I suppose "congrats are in order" even though what I am thinking is... wow, seriously...given your track record with women this might not be your best idea...But then again who am I to call it. You are a grown man and I can't really find a reason to object if you're happy *side eye* And OMG when baby mama finds out it's a wrap!!!

Pause. Let THAT marinate. And...

I'm just gonna sit back over here in the corner with some popcorn and watch this made for tv movie. ROTFL.

Episode 32- Adentures in Dating (Retroactive)- Bad Dog! Or Why I Never Let Friends Set Me Up on A Blind Date

Thank you to C. Alexis at Coherence Is Bliss for this. CA just posted a story about why she does not date, which caused me to subsequently remember a really bad incident from a few years ago.

Let me start out by saying, by happenstance and a series of most unfortunate events the whole day started out bad before the actual date. If I remember correctly the day started with, among other things--a rained out outdoor Nas concert, a ruined outfit and hairstyle, a broken shoe, a minor foot injury and a pizza guy who tried to rip me off causing said broken shoe and minor foot injury.

This is when my friend Liz decided it would be a good idea to further torture me by setting me up on a blind date. It was one of those--she was going out with a guy and he wanted to bring his friend along kinda thing. Now, I knew her date...I'd actually known him since elementary school. He wasn't a bad looking dude and typically you know those type run in packs. However given my salty disposition I really was not in the mood to entertain anyone, much less a complete stranger or anyone else for that matter. So, I made my position very clear...if he's ugly, I will turn around and go straight home. If I'm gonna subject myself here after the day i had it better at LEAST be worth it.

After some assurances from her man that his boy was ok I reluctantly agreed to go, still clinging to the hope that I could perhaps salvage the remainder of my day...HA! No such luck.

I see the car pull up and I catch a glimpse of the troll in the passenger seat and I go as my friend MJ calls it...nuclear. I literally screamed out loud "oh HELL NAW. Fuck YOU. I'm going HOME!" Screw tact at that point. I knew the guys had heard me...ask me if I cared. On the ugly scale this dude was probably neck and neck with Shabba Ranks.



I spent the better part of 10 minutes on a profanity laden rant. Cool points be damned. Liz and her date managed to calm me down enough to go and my date knew at this point to just sit back and STFU.

We went bowling. The whole time Mr Ugly was suspiciously quiet. Which was great because then I didn't have to worry about kirking out again. He just sat back drinking beer and said a word every now and then which did nothing to improve his looks. But by now, I'm beginning to feel a little bad...damn my conscious. lol. I'm thinking I've been an asshole all night, he hasn't said two words. I probably made him feel like how'd I get stuck with this BITCH. Ok, let me at least make an effort to be nice. We decided to hang out (or rather they decided let me say-- I did not drive we were all in one car for the moment so I had NO choice in the matter), we go to pay for bowling and come to find out they messed up our bill. How 'bout they walked out without paying??? OK. This keeps getting better and better.

I'm trying to hold it together by a sliver at this point as we get to Mr Ugly's crib. We ended up playing spades I think. And Mr Ugly handed me a beer, which I promptly babysat. No way I'm drinking in this situation---not enough beer goggles in the universe to make him attractive.

Now here is where it goes completely over the TOP. We're playing cards at a glass kitchen table. Turns out Mr. Ugly had a rat chihuahua. At some point during the cards I picked up the rat and sat it in my lap...more as a distraction so I could avoid conversation, but this caused Mr Ugly to lean in and while he was pretending to pet the dog this mofo is trying to sneak a feel. At the risk of knocking him out, I remove the dog from my lap slyly...thinking he's been quiet all night perhaps I'm just over reacting---but when he did it again, I jumped up and the next words out of my mouth were "your dog just bit me!"

Don't ask me where that came from, I think maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I figured I'd spare him the agony of my fist across his jaw, but what I didn't take into account was under that glass table, the dog was sitting quietly at the feet of my friend Liz.

By now she and her guy had pretty much figured out what happened. And while they laughed at me decided it was time to go. Mr Ugly however wasn't about to let me walk out without one last try. He proceeded to tell me I was "too drunk" to drive home and I should stay for awhile. Now remember that beer I babysat...well I was completely SOBER. Then when he realized that wouldn't work, as I turned to leave, before I could even distance myself, this dude decides to attempt to kiss me...BIG MISTAKE. As a parting gift he received teeth impressions from where I bit him in the face, followed by an extra coat of blackness from the back of my hand.

Needless to say, that was the end of that date.

Episode-26 Keep Your Little D**k in Your Pants

So, a nice bombshell has been dropped this weekend.

My 13 year old God son has started getting his little rocks off.

Yep! He's having sex.

At 13!!!

This should not surprise me, but somehow it does. The girl in question is apparently also 13 and from what I was told this is NOT her first sexual partner

I'm quietly seething and resisting the urge to knock the black off these kids

Now, I'm in the predicament of not quite knowing what to say on this. For all intents and purposes he and his dad had the "sex talk" re: STDs, condoms etc., etc., etc. I'm just not ready to see my God son on Maury arguing with some dumb little girl over whether or not he is or is not her baby daddy.

At the risk of sounding like a bonafide adult...I am not understanding why kids think it is cute to have sex and/or think that teenage pregnancy is just the way to go.

I'm not about to give a lecture or a sermon. But I can honestly speak from the perspective of someone who had sex a little too early. I love my daughter dearly, but I consider it a blessing that I had her at 27 and not 17. That I was smart enough to finish both high school and college before getting myself caught up in some baby daddy drama--and to be honest I don't have that now.

That being said I think it is completely unrealistic to teach kids that abstinence is the only way... AHEM! Sarah Palin-- that route obviously did NOT work for your family...however, knowing the potential risks and consequences, I don't want to condone teenage sexual activity either.

Ah so, we enter the parental quandary...

It's not my place to tell folks how to raise their kids--although in this case I think I'm gonna have my godson talk to my friend Sarina who is a social worker and former counselor who worked with young people who are newly diagnosed with HIV/AIDS. All I'm saying is we have to be mindful. Shoot, I want to have my speech (and my shotgun) well prepared from when my daughter gets close to that age.