Episode 55- Wrap Your Head Around This...

So....

Awhile back--last summer I believe. I wrote a couple of posts about my friends Nic and Claudia who were dating. Now, in one of the posts I talked about how Claudia had done some things that were kinda "suspicious" to me...but I promised myself I would stay out of it...which I did for the most part other than to let Nic vent.

Long story short, Nic cut back on Claudia some was kinda seeing someone else for a while since their relationship (N and C's I mean) was long distance. I hadn't really talked to Nic that much in the last few months because of a couple of illnesses that keep her in and out of the hospital. I had all but assumed they had stopped dealing with each other...that was last I heard.

Now fast forward to yesterday...

I'm talking to Nic catching up because we haven't really talked in about a month and a half. I'm told Claudia is back in the picture and they've worked everything out and things are stronger than before. I'm thinking ok...positive changes, great for y'all

Oh but WAIT...

Nic hits me with "um yeah Claudia is moving up here and I'm going to propose on Valentine's Day" (I can post this because neither reads this blog)

wait wait wait. pump your brakes and hold on...there are several things wrong with this picture. Let's start with the most obvious...

YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON

To my knowledge...Claudia has not made a trip up and because of health Nic has never made a trip down. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am and if they did meet it was no more than ONCE. WTF???????????

Ok...let's say we can overlook that part... ARE YOU NUTS?

Nevermind that they haven't been together for a solid year. Nevermind that there is an age difference. Nevermind that...

Now...let me say I know both of them... they actually met kinda sideways through me in an online group that I moderate. I don't believe either is mentally unstable...though after that piece of news...iooono ( pronounced just like I wrote it...lol)

SMH. I can't wrap my head around this.

Again I told myself I would stay out of it, but I've been fighting the urge since yesterday to kind of go off on them, but part of me is like you know what...I want to sit back and watch this train wreck, because I said my peace awhile back and then stepped away from it.

Wow.

I'm just going to leave it right there. Back away from the wreckage.

Episode 18- Lowered Expectations

Perhaps because the weather (at least here) is cold or because mass market retailers have already begun peddling pink and red cupid paraphernalia and cream filled chocolate hearts that will either melt or be half eaten and tossed, I'm finding that a lot of people are in one of two stages right now...

A) You are in a relationship or have some symbiotic or parasitic attachment to someone for whom you feel obligated to send/give a gift or at least acknowledge 2 weeks from now

OR

B) You are single, panicking, wondering if you will have to resort to sending yourself flowers to at least maintain the appearance of having someone significant while you contemplate the night when you will have to go home and drown your misery in cheap liquor and bon bons. And God forbid you are recently single because THEN you will further torture yourself by playing every sad song imaginable while sobbing into said cheap liquor.

Now for people in category B, you have a variety of options here. I whole heartedly advocate online dating...HOWEVER, if you choose to go this route aside from basic safety and common sense, there are a few key things and red flags you should be aware of when perusing through ads.

For instance:

• Make sure you are looking at ads in the correct category. I just found out what "M4T" means. If you don't know check out the casual encounters section on craigslist...LMAO. (I know I'm slow, but let me clarify I don't mess with CL like that unless I am looking for freelance writing jobs).
• Speaking of which--realize that 99% of folks embellish their ads or straight up lie--it's like padding a resume. Accept it.
• If someone says they like to be spoiled read "gold digger"
• Thick and voluptuous read "a chunkster" (sorry to the big girls/men but be honest--I know some people like big bone-ded, but 350 lbs of gut spillage is not everyone's thing)
• If they will only agree to meet you at your house or call you from any phone other than their home or cell...they're MARRIED
• If a guy says size unimportant, he's got a girl and he's trying to get laid
• If it says "young at heart"...he's about 72 with sweaty balls, so get your viagra and defibulator machine ready
• If they've got a pic of their body but no face, you can bet they either hijacked the pic from another site, or they resemble magilla gorilla
• If they have pics of their genitals, they're freaks...but that may not always be a bad thing wink wink
• If it sounds fishy it probably smells that way too. Pass them the number to the closest STD clinic
• I've noticed more and more people asking for "voice verify" Are that many men posing as girls???
• If it sounds too good to be true it probably is

And this is why I will hosting my annual anti-valentine campaign in a few weeks. Cupid done shot too many of us in the ass. I figure it's time to shoot back.