Episode 63- Ninjas and a Dominatrix

See, funny but completely random stuff always happens to me. I document it as much as possible because if I didn't I wouldn't believe myself. So my odd story for tonight...

I had class tonight. Because I always have trouble parking on Thursdays I decided I'd try and take the shuttle to the train station and then a couple of stops up to the building. On the way there--no problem. On the way back, it's kinda late by this point. The bus pulls up and it's full of ninjas.

Not even kidding.

Full of ninjas.

And they all start unloading off the bus. So I'm standing there like *wtf* I get on the bus, I give the driver a look--he shrugs. The bus sits there for a few minutes and then some of them get back on. Turns out the university was hosting some sort of scavenger hunt game--the apparel was somehow involved, I don't know, but whatever. Reason #684 why I kinda miss undergrad. LOL.

So, I get back and finally get a chance to sit down and check my email. First thing I see is a reply to an ad I posted re: some freelance editing/writing work. This chick who emailed me was looking for someone to write some bios. Now supposedly, the story was she's an artist manager. So I had asked her for a few details and she'd sent a reply--and something about her reply just threw me off. Call it a hunch...Now, normally, for small jobs I don't do this, but I decided to Google this chick to see if she or her company were legit.

Yeah...so I see she has one artist--who IMHO is wack, but whatever. Then I see a bunch of craigslist posts--that kinda make her sound shady, but they were expired, so I couldn't read them in their entirety. Then I see an ad on another site that I've never heard of advertising that this chick is a dominatrix. Some of her ahem "services" include spanking and golden showers.

Now understand...I'm not one to knock anyones...ahem, side hustle. I'm realizing this is a rough economy and all, but I'm saying...

... I'll pass on that.

Goodnight

Episode 18- Lowered Expectations

Perhaps because the weather (at least here) is cold or because mass market retailers have already begun peddling pink and red cupid paraphernalia and cream filled chocolate hearts that will either melt or be half eaten and tossed, I'm finding that a lot of people are in one of two stages right now...

A) You are in a relationship or have some symbiotic or parasitic attachment to someone for whom you feel obligated to send/give a gift or at least acknowledge 2 weeks from now

OR

B) You are single, panicking, wondering if you will have to resort to sending yourself flowers to at least maintain the appearance of having someone significant while you contemplate the night when you will have to go home and drown your misery in cheap liquor and bon bons. And God forbid you are recently single because THEN you will further torture yourself by playing every sad song imaginable while sobbing into said cheap liquor.

Now for people in category B, you have a variety of options here. I whole heartedly advocate online dating...HOWEVER, if you choose to go this route aside from basic safety and common sense, there are a few key things and red flags you should be aware of when perusing through ads.

For instance:

• Make sure you are looking at ads in the correct category. I just found out what "M4T" means. If you don't know check out the casual encounters section on craigslist...LMAO. (I know I'm slow, but let me clarify I don't mess with CL like that unless I am looking for freelance writing jobs).
• Speaking of which--realize that 99% of folks embellish their ads or straight up lie--it's like padding a resume. Accept it.
• If someone says they like to be spoiled read "gold digger"
• Thick and voluptuous read "a chunkster" (sorry to the big girls/men but be honest--I know some people like big bone-ded, but 350 lbs of gut spillage is not everyone's thing)
• If they will only agree to meet you at your house or call you from any phone other than their home or cell...they're MARRIED
• If a guy says size unimportant, he's got a girl and he's trying to get laid
• If it says "young at heart"...he's about 72 with sweaty balls, so get your viagra and defibulator machine ready
• If they've got a pic of their body but no face, you can bet they either hijacked the pic from another site, or they resemble magilla gorilla
• If they have pics of their genitals, they're freaks...but that may not always be a bad thing wink wink
• If it sounds fishy it probably smells that way too. Pass them the number to the closest STD clinic
• I've noticed more and more people asking for "voice verify" Are that many men posing as girls???
• If it sounds too good to be true it probably is

And this is why I will hosting my annual anti-valentine campaign in a few weeks. Cupid done shot too many of us in the ass. I figure it's time to shoot back.