This is per a conversation I had yesterday...in retrospect this is what I should've said:
1. That was some fuck shit... the worst cop-out line EVER. The least you could've done is not insult my intelligence.
2. Yes it hurts (as in present tense damn it)!!! Throw some more salt in my wound please since apparently I am a glutton for punishment. [*major sarcasm*]
3. Frankly, I'm rather glad you said it. You just proved to me that you don't DESERVE me at all. [mad that I wasted my time, happy cause now I have free time-- I have shit to do! *middle finger*]
4. Fuck your exes--I'm glad I'm the opposite of all of them. I happen to like me thank you very much and I could give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about me or the situation.
5. I guarantee you, you will notice an immediate difference when I'm gone.
6. For the record, I'm know I'm NOT your girl. I'm also NOT your pet project, guinea pig, personal assistant, idea generator, pass around show and tell project, advisor or kick around person.
7. Allow me to quote both Cee-lo and Chris Brown-- Fuck you and Deuces!
Showing posts with label single life sucks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single life sucks. Show all posts
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
I Thought This Was Supposed to Get Better
I tried so hard to come into this year with a fresh attitude and a new resolve (not resolutions, but actual resolve!!!)...yeah don't know how that's working out for me--not so good so far.
School is good--kicking my ass, but good. Plus one for that.
Work--not so much. Like my job, but... frustrated. Minus one. Actually if you count the fact that I had to induce a n***a moment yesterday, minus two.
Family--nice holiday, but kinda sliding back toward the bs factor. Zero.
Friends-- need to hang out with them more. I feel like I've not been the best friend. Minus one for me.
Personal--the BB situation. When I got back from Vegas we spoke at length and there was (I thought) some progress and development, but a week later it went right back to the bullshit. Don't know why I expected anything different. Minus 10--Epic FAIL!
At this point it's a crap shoot I guess...
I'm done.
School is good--kicking my ass, but good. Plus one for that.
Work--not so much. Like my job, but... frustrated. Minus one. Actually if you count the fact that I had to induce a n***a moment yesterday, minus two.
Family--nice holiday, but kinda sliding back toward the bs factor. Zero.
Friends-- need to hang out with them more. I feel like I've not been the best friend. Minus one for me.
Personal--the BB situation. When I got back from Vegas we spoke at length and there was (I thought) some progress and development, but a week later it went right back to the bullshit. Don't know why I expected anything different. Minus 10--Epic FAIL!
At this point it's a crap shoot I guess...
I'm done.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Deuces
So obviously, the 30 day challenge was an epic FAIL.
I'm saying my schedule has been more screwed than a hooker and I have not had the where with all to do a daily anything except shower.
And besides, the JSM stories are way more interesting to you than what I wore today--
That said, here it is...my Jerry Springer I'm a complete douche bag moment...
So I hadn't really said anything, but I met someone a few months back who had some definite potential.
Yeah now not so much.
Hell, now not at all.
Everything was fine and dandy and cool and roses and peaches. But it's like [wait wait we need an alias...um... "BB"] BB kept changing the rules and expecting me to know how to play. One minute wants to be around me constantly--the next bitchin about "needing space." I'ma need you to sit your bi-polar ass down somewhere. You want me when you want me and that's it--my suggestion is, don't want me AT ALL. I'm at the point where even though I like you--truly I do, and I'll still jump in and throw a punch on your behalf, yeah um...no. I'ma have to say deuces.
And this just goes to prove my point. I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that I just need to stay single for good. So over the whole dating thing. And I much as I would like for us to be cool honestly I'm so over BB too. Ugh!
I've been called ruthless and heartless more times than I can count in the last few days because my friends tell me they are amazed at how I can just instantly cut people at the jugular. It's like all my emotions just turn off...
That's not it.
I care. I do. Just not enough to become a complete masochist.
One day I promise you, you're going to realize you need me around and I'm gonna be long gone.
I'm saying my schedule has been more screwed than a hooker and I have not had the where with all to do a daily anything except shower.
And besides, the JSM stories are way more interesting to you than what I wore today--
That said, here it is...my Jerry Springer I'm a complete douche bag moment...
So I hadn't really said anything, but I met someone a few months back who had some definite potential.
Yeah now not so much.
Hell, now not at all.
Everything was fine and dandy and cool and roses and peaches. But it's like [wait wait we need an alias...um... "BB"] BB kept changing the rules and expecting me to know how to play. One minute wants to be around me constantly--the next bitchin about "needing space." I'ma need you to sit your bi-polar ass down somewhere. You want me when you want me and that's it--my suggestion is, don't want me AT ALL. I'm at the point where even though I like you--truly I do, and I'll still jump in and throw a punch on your behalf, yeah um...no. I'ma have to say deuces.
And this just goes to prove my point. I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that I just need to stay single for good. So over the whole dating thing. And I much as I would like for us to be cool honestly I'm so over BB too. Ugh!
I've been called ruthless and heartless more times than I can count in the last few days because my friends tell me they are amazed at how I can just instantly cut people at the jugular. It's like all my emotions just turn off...
That's not it.
I care. I do. Just not enough to become a complete masochist.
One day I promise you, you're going to realize you need me around and I'm gonna be long gone.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Episode 48- I Could But I Won't...
This conversation I'm about to have with you has come up repeatedly in recent weeks...
Here the scenario... you meet someone, you really click with them. Things are going well, you're really getting along. This person tells you up front that they're into you, but they're kind of in a weird place when it comes to relationships and as such, the two of you decide to keep it platonic for the time being.
So although your feelings are with this person, technically you're still single. If you found yourself in a position to potentially have sex with someone else--an ex lover... would you? and if you did, would you feel the need to disclose this information even if you KNEW there was no other way for the other person to find out?
Here the scenario... you meet someone, you really click with them. Things are going well, you're really getting along. This person tells you up front that they're into you, but they're kind of in a weird place when it comes to relationships and as such, the two of you decide to keep it platonic for the time being.
So although your feelings are with this person, technically you're still single. If you found yourself in a position to potentially have sex with someone else--an ex lover... would you? and if you did, would you feel the need to disclose this information even if you KNEW there was no other way for the other person to find out?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Episode 45- SMH. The 'L' Word Part 2
So I'm back from vacation and some interesting developments have occurred since our last installment.
I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.
DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."
SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...
Nic and Claudia.
Le grande SIGH!
These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.
So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...
Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.
As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.
I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?
I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.
DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."
SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...
Nic and Claudia.
Le grande SIGH!
These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.
So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...
Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.
As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.
I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Episode 30- Swagger like Us. You're Not Famous...
...so why the hell do you need an entourage?
I'm just asking. But this is not why I wrote--although it plays a part in the story.
I hate this word, I do, but it recently came to my attention that I have no "swagger." I pretty much never gave a f!%#, but whatever... that's the consensus.
Why do I need 'swagger'...seems everyone these days has it and some are overdosing on it. I saw the swagger overdose first hand last night...
I decided to be bold and hit up this lounge I've been trying to go to for awhile. They do a mix and mingle event there once a month. I had invited a friend, but a last minute plan change had me going solo. Let me say upfront, I had a nice time. I chatted up a couple of people over drinks, watched bits and pieces of the NCAA tourney on the big screen, danced a little and then decided to hang back and do my usual m.o.--which is to watch and observe.
Here's where the plot thickens--turns out, the DJ at this place is someone I flirted with awhile back on an online dating site. The world is small and flat. Anyway, keep in mind I was Hans Solo last night so I couldn't do the casual "let me dance within your field of vision move" and hope for the recognition factor to kick in...and besides DJ xxx (as referenced from here on out) had a bunch of hard looking, mean muggin', "pretty boy" groupies/entourage members standing up against the DJ booth cock blocking as it were...or at least throwing a major kink in the game plan.
Meanwhile, as our heroine (that would be me) stands by the bar and contemplates this conundrum, I get the feeling that someone is watching me, casually getting closer and closer to my fortress of solitude. I wanted to say...if you want to talk to me I like to think I am approachable--but alas no. I casually sipped on my vodka cranberry while playing the cat, mouse, cat game all night. DJ xxx never came out of the damn booth. The "we love DJ xxx" fan club in their ever swaggerific gear never moved out of the way...and ol creepy starey, just kept well...staring, but never ended up talking to me.
Now, I relayed this story to a couple of friends this morning and I proceeded to say something that I find to be true...I do not believe that people see me as "approachable" and you know why???
Swagger. There's THAT word again.
No, but seriously...I have noticed that when I walk in a room just looking cute and really make an effort to look like someone who is nice and friendly and approachable (which is what i did last night)...nothing. But lemme walk in like f' you and everything you stand, kneel and lay down for, oh it's on and poppin. It's like I will reek of eau du "get the hell away from me" and it becomes an instant aphrodisiac. Go figure!
But see the thing with me is...I can't be like that all the time. It's just not me. And if you don't have it in you to come to me when you're interested then that's your loss. I'm all for meeting new people whether it turns into something or not. If I don't have enough 'swagger' I will still continue to do me.
No one on the corner has swagger like us, swagger like us, swagger swagger like us...
I'm just asking. But this is not why I wrote--although it plays a part in the story.
I hate this word, I do, but it recently came to my attention that I have no "swagger." I pretty much never gave a f!%#, but whatever... that's the consensus.
Why do I need 'swagger'...seems everyone these days has it and some are overdosing on it. I saw the swagger overdose first hand last night...
I decided to be bold and hit up this lounge I've been trying to go to for awhile. They do a mix and mingle event there once a month. I had invited a friend, but a last minute plan change had me going solo. Let me say upfront, I had a nice time. I chatted up a couple of people over drinks, watched bits and pieces of the NCAA tourney on the big screen, danced a little and then decided to hang back and do my usual m.o.--which is to watch and observe.
Here's where the plot thickens--turns out, the DJ at this place is someone I flirted with awhile back on an online dating site. The world is small and flat. Anyway, keep in mind I was Hans Solo last night so I couldn't do the casual "let me dance within your field of vision move" and hope for the recognition factor to kick in...and besides DJ xxx (as referenced from here on out) had a bunch of hard looking, mean muggin', "pretty boy" groupies/entourage members standing up against the DJ booth cock blocking as it were...or at least throwing a major kink in the game plan.
Meanwhile, as our heroine (that would be me) stands by the bar and contemplates this conundrum, I get the feeling that someone is watching me, casually getting closer and closer to my fortress of solitude. I wanted to say...if you want to talk to me I like to think I am approachable--but alas no. I casually sipped on my vodka cranberry while playing the cat, mouse, cat game all night. DJ xxx never came out of the damn booth. The "we love DJ xxx" fan club in their ever swaggerific gear never moved out of the way...and ol creepy starey, just kept well...staring, but never ended up talking to me.
Now, I relayed this story to a couple of friends this morning and I proceeded to say something that I find to be true...I do not believe that people see me as "approachable" and you know why???
Swagger. There's THAT word again.
No, but seriously...I have noticed that when I walk in a room just looking cute and really make an effort to look like someone who is nice and friendly and approachable (which is what i did last night)...nothing. But lemme walk in like f' you and everything you stand, kneel and lay down for, oh it's on and poppin. It's like I will reek of eau du "get the hell away from me" and it becomes an instant aphrodisiac. Go figure!
But see the thing with me is...I can't be like that all the time. It's just not me. And if you don't have it in you to come to me when you're interested then that's your loss. I'm all for meeting new people whether it turns into something or not. If I don't have enough 'swagger' I will still continue to do me.
No one on the corner has swagger like us, swagger like us, swagger swagger like us...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Adventures in Dating-Redux
So I suppose I'm back to being officially single. S and I haven't spoken in about 2 weeks now (although I know that there is a continued lurking presence on my blog *I always feel like, somebody's watching me* LOL.) That being said I choose not to blog about my feelings concerning the moment formerly known as my relationship. I'll save that for a later day perhaps.
In any case the point of this is...I had a long conversation with my daily pool buddy (this is what I do on my downtime at work) HTP and we got in this long discussion about we're both currently in the same boat. Of course for his part, he is a certified gigolo by every standard definition.
gig·o·lo n. pl. gig·o·los
and he may hate that I said that, but shoot I call 'em like I see 'em. LOL. Actually to be fair he's not that bad...aside from being an arrogant prick--but I am the only one who can fully get away with calling him that.
I joke, but the truth of the matter is we're both kinda stuck. As he so eloquently put it
"...there are days when we jus chill the fuck out. i know this chick that never chills out. i jus went the fuck off on her. its like s****. u cant get a break. an then u snap then they say ur crazy. and u forgive and forgive cause u know heck i can be a smart ass. so imma brush that off. but they keep on, till u jus say u know wha fuck it. then they want to say sorry."
Shoot, that's the story of my life when it comes to dealing with relationships. Folks like making things waaaaaaaaay more difficult than need be.
I'll be honest, there are times when I really like being single, but this isnt one of those times. At the same time though I'm not the person to jump back into something, just for the sake of being with someone--that reeks of eau du desperation--not my style. I wish things would've worked out with S, I do, but now that I'm back flying solo, I guess I'll just have to deal until I get another shot...
Yo HTP... 8 ball corner pocket.
In any case the point of this is...I had a long conversation with my daily pool buddy (this is what I do on my downtime at work) HTP and we got in this long discussion about we're both currently in the same boat. Of course for his part, he is a certified gigolo by every standard definition.
gig·o·lo n. pl. gig·o·los
|
I joke, but the truth of the matter is we're both kinda stuck. As he so eloquently put it
"...there are days when we jus chill the fuck out. i know this chick that never chills out. i jus went the fuck off on her. its like s****. u cant get a break. an then u snap then they say ur crazy. and u forgive and forgive cause u know heck i can be a smart ass. so imma brush that off. but they keep on, till u jus say u know wha fuck it. then they want to say sorry."
Shoot, that's the story of my life when it comes to dealing with relationships. Folks like making things waaaaaaaaay more difficult than need be.
I'll be honest, there are times when I really like being single, but this isnt one of those times. At the same time though I'm not the person to jump back into something, just for the sake of being with someone--that reeks of eau du desperation--not my style. I wish things would've worked out with S, I do, but now that I'm back flying solo, I guess I'll just have to deal until I get another shot...
Yo HTP... 8 ball corner pocket.
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