I Thought This Was Supposed to Get Better

I tried so hard to come into this year with a fresh attitude and a new resolve (not resolutions, but actual resolve!!!)...yeah don't know how that's working out for me--not so good so far.

School is good--kicking my ass, but good. Plus one for that.

Work--not so much. Like my job, but... frustrated. Minus one. Actually if you count the fact that I had to induce a n***a moment yesterday, minus two.

Family--nice holiday, but kinda sliding back toward the bs factor. Zero.

Friends-- need to hang out with them more. I feel like I've not been the best friend. Minus one for me.

Personal--the BB situation. When I got back from Vegas we spoke at length and there was (I thought) some progress and development, but a week later it went right back to the bullshit. Don't know why I expected anything different. Minus 10--Epic FAIL!

At this point it's a crap shoot I guess...

I'm done.

Deuces

So obviously, the 30 day challenge was an epic FAIL.

I'm saying my schedule has been more screwed than a hooker and I have not had the where with all to do a daily anything except shower.

And besides, the JSM stories are way more interesting to you than what I wore today--

That said, here it is...my Jerry Springer I'm a complete douche bag moment...

So I hadn't really said anything, but I met someone a few months back who had some definite potential.

Yeah now not so much.

Hell, now not at all.

Everything was fine and dandy and cool and roses and peaches. But it's like [wait wait we need an alias...um... "BB"] BB kept changing the rules and expecting me to know how to play. One minute wants to be around me constantly--the next bitchin about "needing space." I'ma need you to sit your bi-polar ass down somewhere. You want me when you want me and that's it--my suggestion is, don't want me AT ALL. I'm at the point where even though I like you--truly I do, and I'll still jump in and throw a punch on your behalf, yeah um...no. I'ma have to say deuces.



And this just goes to prove my point. I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that I just need to stay single for good. So over the whole dating thing. And I much as I would like for us to be cool honestly I'm so over BB too. Ugh!

I've been called ruthless and heartless more times than I can count in the last few days because my friends tell me they are amazed at how I can just instantly cut people at the jugular. It's like all my emotions just turn off...

That's not it.

I care. I do. Just not enough to become a complete masochist.

One day I promise you, you're going to realize you need me around and I'm gonna be long gone.