Things I Wished I Had Said...

This is per a conversation I had yesterday...in retrospect this is what I should've said:

1. That was some fuck shit... the worst cop-out line EVER. The least you could've done is not insult my intelligence.

2. Yes it hurts (as in present tense damn it)!!! Throw some more salt in my wound please since apparently I am a glutton for punishment. [*major sarcasm*]

3. Frankly, I'm rather glad you said it. You just proved to me that you don't DESERVE me at all. [mad that I wasted my time, happy cause now I have free time-- I have shit to do! *middle finger*]

4. Fuck your exes--I'm glad I'm the opposite of all of them. I happen to like me thank you very much and I could give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about me or the situation.

5. I guarantee you, you will notice an immediate difference when I'm gone.

6. For the record, I'm know I'm NOT your girl. I'm also NOT your pet project, guinea pig, personal assistant, idea generator, pass around show and tell project, advisor or kick around person.

7. Allow me to quote both Cee-lo and Chris Brown-- Fuck you and Deuces!

Episode 66-the DJ at the Coffee Shop

I haven't blogged. I'm slacking. But I've been excusably busy--songwriting, poetry writing, school and I got a promotion so I am training my replacement. Yeah me. Now for today's random JS moment...

So yesterday I was with the new co-worker in the morning. I was starving! So I suggested we walk over to the coffee shop in our new building (my office has moved in the last month since our old building had a mold issue--ewww!)

I've only ever been to this coffee shop once since usualy I grab my coffee on the way to work. As I walk up to the counter, I catch sight of one of the employees. Now, ironically enough despite my obsession with weird names--I'm in fact really bad with remembering people's names, but I am good with remembering faces. So I'm looking at this girl and I'm thinking I know her from somewhere. I started to say something and then I caught sight of her name tag and suddenly it dawned on me--

Ok, so back up a little. Late last year I had been invited to a mixer at a gay club. I ended up there by myself when the person that invited me cancelled on me at the last minute. I mean it was cool, I had a nice evening. I had a few drinks and hung out for awhile--they had a really great female DJ. I only remember this because a) she was good and it's odd to see a girl DJ and b) she had an off beat name. Fast forward--the girl behind the coffee counter was the DJ.

Now, I could've said I remembered her, but that would've meant saying where I knew her from and yeah I wasn't about throwing anyone under the bus while I was standing there with my co-worker. So I ended up holding my tongue. It kind of trips me out how the world is small and flat. *shrugs shoulders*

Enjoy the weekend!

Episode 57- Things I Wish I Could Say

Ok... I am super duper annoyed today. Today is just THAT day where for whatever reason people just see fit to irk the bejesus out of me.

Normally I am a person who does not bit my tongue, but the people choosing to pluck my nerves like an out of tune banjo are people that-- for the time being-- I need to make nice with (for a host of reasons)...however, if I were allowed such luxuries I would say the following (add major eye rolling, neck popping, finger waving and teeth gnashing to get the full effect):

• You get on my fucking nerves
• I can sum up my critique in one sentence: Your book sucks.
• I'm going to need you to get a clue.
• If I don't answer my damn phone it's because I really don't want to talk to you and calling me three times back to back isn't going to make me change my mind
• You sir, are an idiot
• A salute to Captain Obvious!
  
• No, I can't help you. No really...I'm not a therapist
• I don't care about your day, your progress, your struggle or any of that other bullshit you're trying to lay on me
• Fuck you! Pay me!
• Please don't "help" me, "Ike" don't need your help!
• I am not--- your mother, girlfriend, confidant, therapist, personal secretary/assistant, note taker, web researcher, errand girl or your friend.
• You couldn't pay me enough...
• I plan to speak very slowly so that you understand the words that are about to come out of my mouth...
• I know what the hell I said, because I was THERE when I said it
• I hate repeating myself
• I hate repeating myself
• I HATE repeating myself
• You do things in the stupidest way possible and it's not my job to explain to you why the way you're doing it is stupid.
• For someone who claims to be all that...um...you're still extremely suspect
• My 5 year old has more skills than you
• Until there is a deal on the table-- stop talking!
• You are delusional. Need me to spell THAT for you?
  
• I'm beginning to suspect you like the taste of your Nikes as many times as you stick your foot in your mouth
• Seriously? That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard, but I'ma let you run with that

You know...I feel slightly better already. We now resume with our regularly scheduled programming