Tales From the Hood

Ok... I HAD to SHARE this!! I could not resist. smdh. This has to be the most ghetto thing I have EVER heard and FUNNY AS HELL!!!

So I've been busy working on my final projects for school and apparently someone realized I needed a good laugh today. I promise you I did not make this up...this is per a conversation with a friend of mine. I have underlined the key elements of "ghetto"

So my friend has been telling me about her best friend's sister. The sister has a a five piece and biscuit (translation: five kids and one on the way). She has apparently decided that she is going to throw herself a baby shower.

Ok... lemme fill you in on some of the details:

this chick works at IHOP. She has decided to throw the baby shower...at IHOP...

on a day that she is working (it gets better I promise you...*holding my sides laughing*)...

on the Friday BEFORE Easter (she's trying to "trump God" my friend says).

She has invited approximately 70 people (to IHOP!!!!-- insert SNORT and giggle here)

Oh but wait...

The admittance fee (???????WTF??????) to get in is a bag of Pampers and... a $10 gift card

The guests have to pay for whatever they order at IHOP!!!!!!! AND...tip the waitress (aka the ghetto hostess)

(howling laughter!!!)

And then... she has an online gift registry which includes 3 pages worth of "baby necessity items" such as... two waffle makers, a $300 coffee maker, shoes for the other FIVE KIDS, a mini waterfall and a frozen margarita maker.

/\___/\__/\____________________________ (this would be me flatlining as I die LAUGHING!!!!!!)

*Massive facepalm*...and Jesus wept!

Me Versus the World Round 1

I'm gonna need a few people in my life to put on their big girl underwear and get over themselves.

Last night was supposed to be a fun night.

Not so much.

Yeah it went downhill quick when the two people who are supposed to have my back creatively met for the first time and decided they didn't like each other. One acted an ass. The other acted an ass after the fact and I ended up having to get out on both of them--which, if you know me, for me to get angry enough to get out on ANYONE there had to have been a major offense.

So now I'm stuck in the middle of this bullshit and I'm thinking to myself is any of this really even worth it?

I'm so tired of everybody. They can keep their drama 'cause I have shit to do. I'm way past the fed up point with everything and everybody. I feel like if you don't have enough respect for what I'm trying to do or if you feel like I'm slighting you--don't wait for me to make a decision. You are grown people and you know how to fucking walk away.

Simple as that.

Now pull you big girl britches up and hold that.

Facebook Snitches On You...

Today's advice on how to avoid a WTF moment: If you are going to carry on an affair with a married woman, make sure you don't put pictures of yourself and said woman all over your Facebook page while simultaneously declaring your love...especially if you are friends with each other's spouses/significant others.


That is all.

There's No Crying in Baseball...

...or in front of people who should NEVER see you cry. No matter how much they tell you they love you, that's code for: this b!tch has lost it.

That is all.

For My Valentine...

I am not a fan of Valentine's Day.

I think what people do on Valentine's Day should not be limited to Valentine's Day. But my purpose is not to rant about that...

I don't have a "Valentine" per say in that sense, but to the person who would, could and should be my Valentine I just want to say...



This just seems to sum it all up nicely.

Things I Wished I Had Said...

This is per a conversation I had yesterday...in retrospect this is what I should've said:

1. That was some fuck shit... the worst cop-out line EVER. The least you could've done is not insult my intelligence.

2. Yes it hurts (as in present tense damn it)!!! Throw some more salt in my wound please since apparently I am a glutton for punishment. [*major sarcasm*]

3. Frankly, I'm rather glad you said it. You just proved to me that you don't DESERVE me at all. [mad that I wasted my time, happy cause now I have free time-- I have shit to do! *middle finger*]

4. Fuck your exes--I'm glad I'm the opposite of all of them. I happen to like me thank you very much and I could give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about me or the situation.

5. I guarantee you, you will notice an immediate difference when I'm gone.

6. For the record, I'm know I'm NOT your girl. I'm also NOT your pet project, guinea pig, personal assistant, idea generator, pass around show and tell project, advisor or kick around person.

7. Allow me to quote both Cee-lo and Chris Brown-- Fuck you and Deuces!

FML--Really?

So...

I finally make some headway with somethings I've been trying to take care of financially. JUST YESTERDAY I smashed off a bunch of money I owed to Virginia for my car...

Only to wake up this morning and I find I owe a sizable chunk of money to DC--and these bitches straight threw me the middle finger about it.

FML.

and... I quit!