Things I Wished I Had Said...

This is per a conversation I had yesterday...in retrospect this is what I should've said:

1. That was some fuck shit... the worst cop-out line EVER. The least you could've done is not insult my intelligence.

2. Yes it hurts (as in present tense damn it)!!! Throw some more salt in my wound please since apparently I am a glutton for punishment. [*major sarcasm*]

3. Frankly, I'm rather glad you said it. You just proved to me that you don't DESERVE me at all. [mad that I wasted my time, happy cause now I have free time-- I have shit to do! *middle finger*]

4. Fuck your exes--I'm glad I'm the opposite of all of them. I happen to like me thank you very much and I could give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks about me or the situation.

5. I guarantee you, you will notice an immediate difference when I'm gone.

6. For the record, I'm know I'm NOT your girl. I'm also NOT your pet project, guinea pig, personal assistant, idea generator, pass around show and tell project, advisor or kick around person.

7. Allow me to quote both Cee-lo and Chris Brown-- Fuck you and Deuces!

FML--Really?

So...

I finally make some headway with somethings I've been trying to take care of financially. JUST YESTERDAY I smashed off a bunch of money I owed to Virginia for my car...

Only to wake up this morning and I find I owe a sizable chunk of money to DC--and these bitches straight threw me the middle finger about it.

FML.

and... I quit!

I Thought This Was Supposed to Get Better

I tried so hard to come into this year with a fresh attitude and a new resolve (not resolutions, but actual resolve!!!)...yeah don't know how that's working out for me--not so good so far.

School is good--kicking my ass, but good. Plus one for that.

Work--not so much. Like my job, but... frustrated. Minus one. Actually if you count the fact that I had to induce a n***a moment yesterday, minus two.

Family--nice holiday, but kinda sliding back toward the bs factor. Zero.

Friends-- need to hang out with them more. I feel like I've not been the best friend. Minus one for me.

Personal--the BB situation. When I got back from Vegas we spoke at length and there was (I thought) some progress and development, but a week later it went right back to the bullshit. Don't know why I expected anything different. Minus 10--Epic FAIL!

At this point it's a crap shoot I guess...

I'm done.

Every story has a beginning and an end...

First post of the new year...

Can honestly say I'm glad 2010 is done. I had a pretty dope New Year's Eve if I do say so, with two of my girls at the Palms Las Vegas, ushered in by none other than Kid Capri and Grand Master Flash. A good beginning I think. I even did my due diligence and called BB at midnight East Coast time--no fanfare, no pretense and surprisingly enough BB was home. No partying, nothing extra.

The funny thing is this is the first time since I've been on vacation that I, for a slight moment almost wished BB had been here with me in Vegas...it would have been nice to bring in the year together, but it was a moment...nothing more. Then I came back to my senses and remembered there was a reason why that didn't happen...oh yeah I'm supposed to be OVER it.

As you may remember from last year, I don't subscribe to making resolutions, but one thing I won't do anymore in 2011--or any other year for that matter is settle for anything less than the best--cause BB told me not to way back at the beginning and oddly enough that was the best advice I could've received.

Thanks B! From the bottom of my heart, I wish you success and happiness. I know it was weird, crazy and emotional, but I always knew you meant well.

So some things come to an end, but my year and new chapters begin. I have lots to look forward to.

Here's to life, love, happiness and freedom. *cheers*

Frozen Over?

I've been slacking on the blogging. LOL. Looked at my account and realized I had about 5 unfinished drafts of things I guess I wanted to say at the time but never finished. Will get back to those, I promise.

For now I can say honestly I'm enjoying life. I'm relaxing in Vegas for a few weeks with my family. I can honestly say the words "relax" and "family" in the same sentence. They haven't driven me crazy surprisingly. *thinks Hell has frozen over*

Things aren't perfect, but I had a nice holiday. Still a week until I have to go back and one of my favorite people will be here tomorrow to hang out until New Years. I've really not talked to BB which is a good thing and I'm actually...

pretty happy.

Deuces

So obviously, the 30 day challenge was an epic FAIL.

I'm saying my schedule has been more screwed than a hooker and I have not had the where with all to do a daily anything except shower.

And besides, the JSM stories are way more interesting to you than what I wore today--

That said, here it is...my Jerry Springer I'm a complete douche bag moment...

So I hadn't really said anything, but I met someone a few months back who had some definite potential.

Yeah now not so much.

Hell, now not at all.

Everything was fine and dandy and cool and roses and peaches. But it's like [wait wait we need an alias...um... "BB"] BB kept changing the rules and expecting me to know how to play. One minute wants to be around me constantly--the next bitchin about "needing space." I'ma need you to sit your bi-polar ass down somewhere. You want me when you want me and that's it--my suggestion is, don't want me AT ALL. I'm at the point where even though I like you--truly I do, and I'll still jump in and throw a punch on your behalf, yeah um...no. I'ma have to say deuces.



And this just goes to prove my point. I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that I just need to stay single for good. So over the whole dating thing. And I much as I would like for us to be cool honestly I'm so over BB too. Ugh!

I've been called ruthless and heartless more times than I can count in the last few days because my friends tell me they are amazed at how I can just instantly cut people at the jugular. It's like all my emotions just turn off...

That's not it.

I care. I do. Just not enough to become a complete masochist.

One day I promise you, you're going to realize you need me around and I'm gonna be long gone.

30 Day Challenge- Day 21 Another moment

3:25 am, Monday September 13, 2004.

I asked for some cranberry juice.

The nurse gave me the crazy sideeye.

"Now?"

"Yes!"

"You can't drink while you're in labor."

"I realize this, but I really want some cranberry juice." (me thinking to myself, I haven't eaten in about 20 hours, I'l been in labor for 11 hours and whatever I had in my stomach is now in the bottom of a plastic bag)

"So, exactly why am I feeling pain?"

"She's only halfway out."

"Um...can you get her ALL the way out?"

baby cries--barely. breathing. she gave me the sleepy look, then the curious look and then the sleepy look plus a yawn.

"She's beautiful, but I promise you I am never volunteering my services for this endeavor ever again." (Laugh)

They took her away to check her and the nurses wheeled us into our room.

She just looked so little and fragile and dark with a head of hair and little ears sticking out. It still hadn't all sunk in yet, that I was someone's mommy.

But when I got back ...there were two boxes of cranberry juice on the table. I knew everything was alright