It's not just me. It's everyone I know...going through things.
It's in the atmosphere. It's background to everything-- even when I have a smile on my face. I'm plotting, I'm planning, I'm forcefully trying to pull my life in another, more positive direction. Life fights me. I fight back. It is what it is. I live, I breathe in and I write. I share bits and pieces of myself so I can remember what got me here in the first place.
The point is... I am here...wherever "here" is at this stage in my life. I'm approaching another birthday in a few weeks. And the only thing I want...
Happiness.
Wrap it up in a box. I get it in fleeting moments, but I want it at least with some degree of consistency. I'm not asking for world peace, just steady peace of mind. I realize that life is not going to go easy on me just because I want it to, but something has got to give...or at least make it a fair fight. I feel like David with a slingshot and a handful of rocks, but my aim is off (I am so using that in a poem...lol).
My point being if I could just get that one thing...everything else would fall into place
...if only. Le grand sigh!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
I Got My Ass Kicked By Life and That B!+@h is Wearing Steel Toe Boots
...I think that would be a great book title. Sigh!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Episode 45- SMH. The 'L' Word Part 2
So I'm back from vacation and some interesting developments have occurred since our last installment.
I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.
DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."
SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...
Nic and Claudia.
Le grande SIGH!
These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.
So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...
Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.
As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.
I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?
I didn't want to be the one to say I told you so, but... damn it I told you so... see, going back to our last episode, where I was venting about the use or overuse of the "L" word, why is it that now all parties have removed the stardust from their eyeballs and showing themselves for who they are.
DJ and Angie are ok...they met, everything was great. Until... I asked Angie if she was still "in love" and. I. got. a. moment. of... PAUSE, and a sentence that started with "well..."
SMH. You KNOW that is never a good sign... However they are still together and things seem to be going ok. So we'll just let that ride. However...
Nic and Claudia.
Le grande SIGH!
These two...the story is sounding more and more like the Young and The Restless. And if I wasn't hearing it all firsthand I almost wouldn't believe it.
So Claudia backed out of the trip she was supposed to make to see Nic... because of some "work related training" that conveniently came up at the last minute. I would tend to believe that on face value but there are some AHEM, inconsistencies in the way the story was told. I may not be good at math, but um...something doesn't quite add up. Now, I see major red flags all over the place, but I have resolved to keep my opinions to myself, so I let Nic vent and just kinda take it all in. However, here's where I have a major problem...
Nic has some serious life or death health issues. So I'm hoping against hope that I am wrong (smh) and that Claudia, for what it's worth, is being forthcoming, because nothing would be more messed up than for her to turn out to be on some retarded game playing mode and put that kinda undue stress on Nic.
As for me. It's complicated. I am trying to untangle myself and my feelings about someone. I refuse to commit to the "L" word because I know I shouldn't.
I said it before I'm not "in love" even though I might like you a little bit... sigh . WTH?
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