Deuces

So obviously, the 30 day challenge was an epic FAIL.

I'm saying my schedule has been more screwed than a hooker and I have not had the where with all to do a daily anything except shower.

And besides, the JSM stories are way more interesting to you than what I wore today--

That said, here it is...my Jerry Springer I'm a complete douche bag moment...

So I hadn't really said anything, but I met someone a few months back who had some definite potential.

Yeah now not so much.

Hell, now not at all.

Everything was fine and dandy and cool and roses and peaches. But it's like [wait wait we need an alias...um... "BB"] BB kept changing the rules and expecting me to know how to play. One minute wants to be around me constantly--the next bitchin about "needing space." I'ma need you to sit your bi-polar ass down somewhere. You want me when you want me and that's it--my suggestion is, don't want me AT ALL. I'm at the point where even though I like you--truly I do, and I'll still jump in and throw a punch on your behalf, yeah um...no. I'ma have to say deuces.



And this just goes to prove my point. I am thoroughly and utterly convinced that I just need to stay single for good. So over the whole dating thing. And I much as I would like for us to be cool honestly I'm so over BB too. Ugh!

I've been called ruthless and heartless more times than I can count in the last few days because my friends tell me they are amazed at how I can just instantly cut people at the jugular. It's like all my emotions just turn off...

That's not it.

I care. I do. Just not enough to become a complete masochist.

One day I promise you, you're going to realize you need me around and I'm gonna be long gone.

30 Day Challenge- Day 21 Another moment

3:25 am, Monday September 13, 2004.

I asked for some cranberry juice.

The nurse gave me the crazy sideeye.

"Now?"

"Yes!"

"You can't drink while you're in labor."

"I realize this, but I really want some cranberry juice." (me thinking to myself, I haven't eaten in about 20 hours, I'l been in labor for 11 hours and whatever I had in my stomach is now in the bottom of a plastic bag)

"So, exactly why am I feeling pain?"

"She's only halfway out."

"Um...can you get her ALL the way out?"

baby cries--barely. breathing. she gave me the sleepy look, then the curious look and then the sleepy look plus a yawn.

"She's beautiful, but I promise you I am never volunteering my services for this endeavor ever again." (Laugh)

They took her away to check her and the nurses wheeled us into our room.

She just looked so little and fragile and dark with a head of hair and little ears sticking out. It still hadn't all sunk in yet, that I was someone's mommy.

But when I got back ...there were two boxes of cranberry juice on the table. I knew everything was alright

30 Day Challenge- Day 19, 20

I've decided to tag team these topics.

Day 19- Something I regret

I used to say there was nothing in life I regret, because I believe that everything happens for a reason and I see no reason to live dwelling on things you can neither take back or change. I still feel that way, however...

There is one taboo subject in my life, for which I carry a ton of regret. It was not a willful or malicious decision, but it lead to something that I can neither fix, take back or feel like I should not shoulder some blame for. It is the decision that changed my life and one for which even if the injured party forgives me, I will probably never fully forgive myself. I pray on it daily. That's all I can do...


Day 20-This month

Um...this month (October)

Well, I'm taking things a day at a time. This typically seems like a decent time of year for me. I'm mostly focused on school and poetry and music and I want to move on a lot of that in the next few weeks. Damn near every friend I have has a birthday this month (yeah Libras!) so I spend a good deal of October in that mode.

We'll see what it brings...

Oh yeah and I'm a big fan of Halloween so, I welcome some scary costume ideas if anyone has any...

30 Day Challenge- Day 18-Favorite Birthday

My favorite birthday...


Well this past one was kinda awesome.

My birthday was about 2 weeks ago. I was treated to dinner out at the Rock and Roll Hotel. Had an awesome drunken debaucherous (lol...not so much) impromptu party. I got to hang out with some cool chicks. I almost feel like I fit in with the cool chicks. LMAO. No, but seriously--I have to say I couldn't have asked for much more out of a birthday.

For the record though...

My favorite birthday or should I say my most memorable...when I turned 17. My mom had to work on my actual birthday, but she let me play hooky from school so we could have lunch downtown somewhere. She bought me some roses and cupcakes I think (I adore cupcakes). While I was waiting down on the National Mall there was a trio of homeless musicians. Somehow we got into a really interesting conversation and they ended up playing me my own awesome little concert. I just thought that was like the coolest thing ever.

It's the last birthday that really sticks out for me.

30 Day Challenge- Day 17- Favorite Memory

This was again supposed to be yesterday's post...I always seem to be a day or two of...lol.

My favorite memory?


I have too many great ones to choose.

One day I will write them all down.