The short version of my answer (in typical me fashion) was:
What? is it like graduating from college? Do I need to write formal announcements and handwritten cards that say "thank you for accepting me" I don't feel like I NEED to come out anymore than I NEED to announce that I'm black. I am what I am. If either one makes a difference in the way you deal with me then you don't NEED to deal with me...
Oh for the record I am bisexual. Have been for a minute. Go figure.
Just so we're clear, I am neither confused or fence straddling. I hate labels. To say I am a lesbian would be completely inaccurate. I still like and/or appreciate men--just so happens I like and/or appreciate women too. It is what it is and I am cool with it. My girlfriend is very aware of it and to this point is cool with it (yes, put two and two together S is a girl--makes so much more sense now huh?).
Yes, I put myself out there, but go back a few sentences... if it makes a difference, in fact if I've grown a third head in the last 30 seconds please let me know. I feel like at this point I'm grown, the hell I have to worry about. Anyone who knows me in the least shouldn't be surprised by anything I say or do anyway. I think I killed my shock value years ago...lol.
Anyway back to the original question...
Whether I think you "need" to come out. Honestly I think you should only tell people on a need to know basis. Um.. the people you are sleeping with or potentially trying to sleep with--need to know. Co-workers--don't need to know unless you're prepared to have them all up in your business. My friends need to (and do) know (how awkward would conversations about our love lives be otherwise...rotfl). My family, some know some don't. This has been a source of conflict with me and S for a few months. I haven't told my mom and step dad up to this point because we'd been going through so much shit I really didn't feel it was appropriate to drop that piece of news on them. I think I dropped enough bombs over baghdad in 2008.
However, last two visits with my mom since the move, I actually tried to tell her. Never happened, not for lack of trying though--she cut me off before I could get to the good part. I mean I could call my mom on the phone and tell her, but I believe that this conversation should take place in person.
This resulted in a long drawn out unnecessary argument with S about a week or two ago. Now, she told her mom--against my advice. Her mother is in somewhat ill health and far more conservative than mine--not to mention she decided to wait until we were in the middle of a break-up to do it. Why, I have no idea, but she made her own bed with that one. Whatever--that is neither here nor there.
So back to the question...
Is it necessary to "come out"?
Or my question, what precisely am I "coming out" of since I have never been in. And even if I do, does it matter and who cares...
Fuck the existential question.
2 comments:
I mean yea...its neccasary to come out to everybody you come across in life.Youll find out whos really down for you from jump street and not waste time starting friendships with people and then relizing down the line that dont except you for you.For females its not that hard or big of deal anyway.And i think you are just stalling to tell your mama boo.How do you think she would react??
Honestly I think my mother will be mad for about a week and then she'll get over it. The real problem is our relationship in the last few years has been kinda strained (because of some other non related issues) which is why I want to tell her in person--so she won't have a choice except to hear me out, being on the phone gives her an out. But she lives on the West Coast now.
I did actually sit her down to tell her but she cut me off and started an argument about something completely different. I think she sorta knows but if she hears it from me she'll have to confirm it.
I mean to me it is no big deal. Matter of fact I might just be like eff it and call her tonight and tell her.
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