A) You are in a relationship or have some symbiotic or parasitic attachment to someone for whom you feel obligated to send/give a gift or at least acknowledge 2 weeks from now
OR
B) You are single, panicking, wondering if you will have to resort to sending yourself flowers to at least maintain the appearance of having someone significant while you contemplate the night when you will have to go home and drown your misery in cheap liquor and bon bons. And God forbid you are recently single because THEN you will further torture yourself by playing every sad song imaginable while sobbing into said cheap liquor.
Now for people in category B, you have a variety of options here. I whole heartedly advocate online dating...HOWEVER, if you choose to go this route aside from basic safety and common sense, there are a few key things and red flags you should be aware of when perusing through ads.
For instance:
- Make sure you are looking at ads in the correct category. I just found out what "M4T" means. If you don't know check out the casual encounters section on craigslist...LMAO. (I know I'm slow, but let me clarify I don't mess with CL like that unless I am looking for freelance writing jobs).
- Speaking of which--realize that 99% of folks embellish their ads or straight up lie--it's like padding a resume. Accept it.
- If someone says they like to be spoiled read "gold digger"
- Thick and voluptuous read "a chunkster" (sorry to the big girls/men but be honest--I know some people like big bone-ded, but 350 lbs of gut spillage is not everyone's thing)
- If they will only agree to meet you at your house or call you from any phone other than their home or cell...they're MARRIED
- If a guy says size unimportant, he's got a girl and he's trying to get laid
- If it says "young at heart"...he's about 72 with sweaty balls, so get your viagra and defibulator machine ready
- If they've got a pic of their body but no face, you can bet they either hijacked the pic from another site, or they resemble magilla gorilla
- If they have pics of their genitals, they're freaks...but that may not always be a bad thing wink wink
- If it sounds fishy it probably smells that way too. Pass them the number to the closest STD clinic
- I've noticed more and more people asking for "voice verify" Are that many men posing as girls???
- If it sounds too good to be true it probably is
And this is why I will hosting my annual anti-valentine campaign in a few weeks. Cupid done shot too many of us in the ass. I figure it's time to shoot back.
2 comments:
so what does "m4t" mean? sorry, i look at craigslist ads sometimes and i'm lost on this one. for vday i told deen that all i want is for him to tell me the moment that he realized he loved me. i should have just asked him for a damned lung, he would have put up less of a fight. this is going to be the first vday in a long time that i can look someone i love in the eyes. frankly, the only thing i'm looking forward to is the sex.
it's men for trassexuals...lol. I was browsing because a friend of mine told me she had put an ad on CL--I told her she was nuts! LOL. But that's what prompted the blog entry. I came across m4t and I was "wtf is that?" so I peeked...Lawd! And the worst part is you KNOW some if not most of these dudes are married!
As you can guess I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day, my problem being if you love someone you should love them more than 1 day out of the year. As for Deen...well men in general have a hard time with the L word, but he might just surprise you.
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