Episode 4- Why Can't I Quit You?

Post election euphoria aside...

Back to our show. I have to ask, what is about some people that just renders them unable to understand simple words and phrases. Too much television? Lack of vitamin C or basic 3rd grade comprehension skills? Backwood inbreeding perhaps?




Could've swore I said not once but at least 3 times in the past week I was done. through. finish. finito. gone. elvis has left the building. I know I said it because I was there when I said it.

Now I might have considered discussing the possibility of trying to work it out. Until... you went from 0 to psycho in 3 seconds flat. We finally spoke today after almost a week of the silent treatment from me--mostly because I have had the week from hell and really wasn't trying to have an extended conversation with the devil. But today I said and I quote "we'll talk later on tonight." It's 7 syllables. I used short words. Yet, my phone rang no less than 5-6 times today.

And then came the crazy text messages...um...hate to tell you, but you've now officially entered the psycho stalker realm [cue music from the Twilight Zone]. What exactly about your retarded behavior says "here's a good reason to take me back"? Was it the part where you emailed me saying you weren't going to call me again (which I was reading when you called me for the second time)? Or perhaps it was the moment when you asked if I was seeing someone else (I'm glad you seem to think I am diva enough to begin dating again a week after we broke up--I am...lol...but that's besides the point).

Oh but wait here's the kicker... the last text entailed asking me to speak to your mother.

stunned. silence. while. i. ponder. precisely. how. i. should. respond.

Ok...where's Ashton. Swear I must be on Punk'd. No way you're serious? C'mon now. I'm gonna need you to put the crack pipe down.

Smacks self upside held. Pinches arm to ensure this is not a weird dream.

But then again, this is why I titled this blog "Jerry Springer Moments."

And on that note... here is my final thought: They say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach...I am neither a man, nor am I hungry so please stop trying to feed me your bs.